Sweet Disorder

Bilingual smileyisms

How the Japanese do smileys.

Buffy's apocalpyse-saving

Ranked via horsemen.

Edwardian Country House

Reality TV as an 18th century dating show. Actually, this sounds rather fun to watch, though ugh on the chaperones.

Oh, the plight of the small town mayor with NOTHING else to do with his life.

"The mayor of a town in Iowa wants to propose a ban on its 53 residents telling lies.

Mayor Jo Hamlett of Mount Sterling says lying has become part of the culture in the town.

Hamlett, a retired sales and cattle trader who gets £3 a month as mayor, admits he doesn't know how a town with no police department and a town hall that doubles as a church and does not even have a bathroom would enforce such a law. "I brought this up tongue-in-cheek. It's been a long winter and I was getting bored," says Hamlett.

One of the town's biggest liars, Charles Brewer, 62, says: "If Jo had to pay a quarter for each lie he told, we wouldn't have to be looking for money for a bathroom for our church down here."

Bwahahah!!!

Ashcroft Rejected By Newly Created Bride Of Ashcroft.

I adore the Bad Pets lists

here. The very best, however, are the ones for animals like bunnies, guinea pigs, iguanas, horses... etc. You expect cats and dogs to do weird shit, but iguanas?

Buffy spoiler

Here. Commentary below...

Nookielilcious! Given this and the promo for next week, sounds like a sex-o-rama.

Oh man.

What happens when you combine a burger and Krispy Kreme.

You knew I had to post this.

The Advice Bunny.

"Your question was: Are you cute and fluffy?

The Advice Bunny's response is: I say you consult your magic 8-ball for this one." Well, THAT was a tremendous help.

You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level 8- the Malebolge: "Many and varied sinners suffer eternally in the multi-leveled Malebolge, an ampitheatre-shapped pit of despair Wholly of stone and of an iron colour: Those guilty of fraudulence and malice; the seducers and pimps, who are whipped by horned demons; the hypocrites, who struggle to walk in lead-lined cloaks; the barraters, who are ducked in boiling pitch by demons known as the Malebranche. The simonists, wedged into stone holes, and whose feet are licked by flames, kick and writhe desperately. The magicians, diviners, fortune tellers, and panderers are all here, as are the thieves. Some wallow in human excrement. Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sick on the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite them with its hammer."

Man, I didn't know I was such a total sleazebag. I was figuring I'd end up in level 2 with the lusty ones.

An underwater restaurant

I have always wanted to design one of these. Coooooooooool. You must check out the pictures.

We may love the Iraqi information minister...

but we won't arrest him. The hell?

No more virgin columnists!

At the bottom of this page, you will find a letter writing to protest the number of male columnists who, well... This just amuses me.

Who wants to be on the Donald Trump reality show?

This sounds dull as shit to me, but I adore Invinciblegirl's pretend application for it.

"4. Why do you seriously believe you could be “The Apprentice”

Man, I’ve watched Fantasia like 80 times. I love it when those brooms start sweeping and dancing and then turn into miniature evil OCD brooms that sweep Mickey into oblivion until he has to be rescued by the scary mean sorcerer. I can be your Mickey, Donald. Just give me a chance.

8. What assets do you bring to “The Apprentice” that would make you a useful member of the group:

Well, I don’t want to call it a complete lack of morality or ethics, guys, but I would kill a baby for $100 bucks. Plus I’ve got a great rack."

Who knew that dog walking was so competitive?

You know the economy rots when this becomes an incredibly lucrative and competitive job ($10-18 per half-hour walk). Lawyers want to be professional dogwalkers.

"When she was getting started a few years ago, she forgot to pick up after one of her charges. The next time she passed the spot, she found a note attached to the droppings. It said: "This was left by dog walker Susie Gaeta."

Oh my god.

A guy got killed for putting too much sugar in the coffee. Good lord.

I haven't been able to find a link to this,

as it was sent to me in e-mail this morning and doing a search on "Jennifer Lopez prenuptial agreement" comes up with a bunch of old stuff in Google, but here's the latest on well, her latest prenuptial agreement.

"The singer and actress reportedly wants her handsome DAREDEVIL star fiancé to agree to hand over half of his multi-million dollar fortune if he ever cheats on her - no small sum since Ben currently commands around $24 million a movie.

Reports in British tabloid the DAILY STAR claim J.LO also wants to keep their jointly owned mansions, as well as all monies generated by Ben from business ventures during their marriage.

Untrusting Jen also allegedly stipulates her beau agrees to never again see any children they may have together if he is to blame for the break-up of their union.

The clause states, "If any infidelity by Mr. Affleck should be the cause of the divorce, Ms Lopez will receive full and final custody of all minor children. Mr. Affleck shall be entitled to absolutely no visitation privileges." Bizarrely, Jennifer's pre-nuptial agreement also reportedly states Ben would not be entitled to any of her wealth - should they split.

According to the Star's sources, in order to escape the marriage with his estate in tact, Ben must stay with Jennifer until he is 82."

Ben, what part of "Gee, I shouldn't marry this woman" do you NOT understand?

While doing the Google hunt, I did find this amusing variant. Heh, "Love Don't Cost A Thing."

Dogs playing soccer/football

"To tell the truth, they don't really understand that they're playing in a team and when they score a goal it's usually by accident."

Yet another aspiring reality TV star

This one's a teenager who started his own online show featuring partying and drinking. I assume next year when he's legal he'll be auditioning for MTV.

Joss Whedon's 10 favorite Buffy episodes

About all my favorites too.

Oh, joy.

Er, happy birthday, Saddam...wherever you are... if you still exist... (yesterday). Great, we Tauruses get him and Hitler.

There's NO excuse for missing an law exam in Italy, apparently.

"An Italian student took her final law exam in a hospital delivery room after authorities said giving birth was not an excuse to miss the test.

Antonella Magnani, 28, from Arezzo was about to give birth when a team of eight examiners turned up to question her on public rights and marketing.

Doctors agreed the unusual move, saying her contractions were still irregular and she still had time to answer the questions.

After 30 minutes of questioning, the examiners told her she had passed the exam with top marks.

She gave birth to her daughter Giulia a few hours later."

I don't much care to comment on his rehab. Big surprise there. But...

Nobody looks like Jack.

Angel spoilings

Whining commentary in the supersecret (okay, archive) link below.

Poodoo. Probably not that likely to get Spike on Angel after all due to money- it's either a cast role or nothing (no guesting) due to the hair bleach. Bleah. "He said that for him to become a regular, the show would surely have to lose a regular character to pay his salary. Everyone in the audience suggested that we would gladly see Connor get the axe for our weekly Spike fix." Perhaps some people should start a petition about this.

Hee!

Mr. Personality: "Throughout this conversation, Chris (dark green) is perched atop a staircase like a buzzard waiting for his meal to gasp out that final breath so he can claim a snack. He thinks he’s gone unnoticed, but we hear Hayley talking about him in a voiceover and she says, “Maybe he thought he was a guardian angel or something but it kinda creeped me out.” Honey, there are ten guys walking around the house in hooded masks. Some are hiding in plants, one is perched atop the stairs, and one of them is going to potentially be your life-mate. Your sole advisor in all of this is Monica Lewinsky. A weekend with the Addams Family would be less creepy!"

Bleeech.

"Even behind bars, Peterson is said to be receiving fan mail from women who think he’s innocent—and a good catch. Which proves that other adage: hope springs eternal." Oh. My. GOD. I cannot believe how stupid and/or desperate some women are.

How to be a fabulous fag hag!

Margaret Cho can tell you how.

Okay, so I'm not one, but hey, it was cute.

Who wants to live in...

a 727?

Bush Regime Trading Cards

Are the Iraqis getting spam for these daily now?

Bigcitygirl.com

An excellent Fray website.

This disgusts me.

And I thought it was bad when my fellow poster here got charged a fee for going to the ER on a Sunday because he thought he had appendicitis. Good thing he wasn't in Denver, or they'd be gouging him out the ASS for not being a "real emergency." Charging people fuckloads to discourage them from getting medical treatment (if, say, they can't wait a month to get into an appointment) is so incredibly sick. I especially love how they charge this for a FIVE MINUTE EXAM. And what about the people who are discouraged to come to the ER and then end up dead?

For once, hardly anyone whines that two women were kissing in the newspaper.

Hope exists, I guess.

Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls

Bitchin.

Roseanne wants to do two more shows.

One's called "The Domestic Goddess Hour," and hell, given what kind of one Roseanne is (Cheetos in the couch), I'd prefer watching her to frigging Martha any day. The other is...er, a reality series about her making The Domestic Goddess Hour. That might be downright frightening. But hey, at least she's got a few more brain cells than Anna Nicole.

I'm not sure...

what a Slutpublican is, but I like the name.

Eh, I'd probably watch it

If I had cable, anyway. Though I don't really think the programming sounds that great so far.

Oh, man.

Am LOVING this new Google Viewer. Lets you see your searches in kind of a slide show format.

Weird-ass scholarships

A pot smoking scholarship. And other weirdness.

What do those band names mean?

Categorized by subject basis.

Couple gets divorced because...

he insists that they sleep with his incontinent cat.

Somehow this doesn't surprise me

that this happened in Clearlake. That town is scary.

Man refuses to get bullet taken out of his scrotum.

Why? "He isn't sure he wants doctors to remove the bullet because, even though he is a father of six at age 26, his girlfriend might want to have children with him. He's worried that the attempt to remove the bullet might render him incapable of fathering more children." Oh dear LORD. Lemme guess, how many girlfriends has he had a kid with already? Really, the world doesn't need MORE of your sperm, let it GO already! (And wouldn't you think a bullet to the nuts would er, already make him incapable of fathering more children? Oh hell, I don't really want to know.)

Drive through, get a coffee, get married.

Yes, really. It's even called "Sacred Grounds." FARK.com pointed this out: "Starbucks to steal the idea, charge four times as much and destroy competing marriages." Seriously, you know they'll do that.

So, have you ever woken up, realized your cell phone was dead, couldn't find the charger and thought...

"Hey! I know! I'll just stick it in the microwave! That'll recharge it!"

Uh...she IS an ENGLISH teacher, correct?

From what I recall of every English class I've ever taken, nary an English teacher I've known ever taught math. So why this when she's not even using the subject?

Boobah Zone

I don't know what the heck this is, but it's pretty.

Some things never change.

The Hatfields and the McCoys again.

Steve Martin interviews the Rock Bottom Remainders

I so wish I'd seen this.

"Martin peppered the panel with penetrating questions for which they had no answers, like: "When you're in the middle of playing a song, what are you thinking?"

Dead silence.

"I mean, are you thinking about the song? Or are you thinking, 'I am so rich?' "

Or this from Martin: "You're all fine writers. What goes through your mind when you have to sing a lyric like 'I ain't gonna love you no more....'?"

Amy Tan (author of "The Joy Luck Club" and "The Bonesetter's Daughter" and a Remainderette) said she's the one "who brings family values" to the group. Turns out she wears tight black leather and metal spikes and wields a whip while gyrating and doing vocals. She told the audience how, on her way to join the tour one year, airport security opened her luggage, found all her dominatrix gear and held it up to show the public."

Anna Nicole's Art Gallery

Kindergarten art comes out better than this. Especially this. She's had a baby, right? She should know what they look like, right?

People like to beat up on a wax dummy of Saddam Hussein

As they'd say on FARK.com, "Obvious."

People, not plants!

So, a cartoonist got laid off, and this is his last words, so to speak. (Not a permanent link, other things will be put in, so I'm just pasting the good stuff.)

"Getting canned sucks. But I understand that difficult business decisions must be made in difficult times, and I'm glad I'm not the one who has to make those difficult decisions. But if I was... I'd probably cut the private service that comes in to water and dust and turn the plants in the publisher's office, before I'd cut a local cartoonist. In other words, I'd cut something only the privileged few who enter the publisher's office see, before I'd cut something 190,000 readers see. Is the position of local cartoonist really valued less than office plants? I could've watered 'em, and I don't even have a PhD in horticulture."

One student school house well-equipped, except for student.

Rather pathetic.

Hey, remember that guy who looks like Saddam Hussein that was in Hot Shots?

He may want to move to London.

Dubya is a fan of the Iraqi information minister.

"He's my man." As Wil points out, not only is this guy "the enemy," shouldn't you be having meetings instead of gathering around the TV and laughing?

Yet another one returns...

Star Wars Episode 3 casting spoiler inside.

Sounds like an interesting idea

Can you think of bloggers you'd like to see get books? They can help.

From the "block," my ass.

More "J.Ho is an asshole.

Mike, don't. PUH-LEEZE don't.

More on the "OJ show"

O.J. Simpson could become the star of a new reality television show that would be centered around snippets of his appearances at hip-hop concerts.

But his lawyer says there's one problem: Simpson hasn't been approached by the companies that are planning to create the show.

"He's not in a show," Simpson's attorney Yale Galander said Wednesday. "They can't have a reality TV show and call it the O.J. Simpson TV show without our involvement."

Urban Television Network Corporation, a Fort Worth-based satellite and cable channel, and Miami production company Spiderboy International said they are planning to create 13 one-hour episodes of the show using archived footage of Simpson."

"I have no plans in any way to do a reality show even though people have approached me about it." He has, however, figured out what he wants to be when he grows up.

Revenge, of a sort?

Once upon a time, Madonna thought it was cute to put up a bunch of dummy files of her songs onto Kazaa, only all they say is "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Real sweet. (Uh, how many millions are you worth again?) Meanwhile, some folks are making remixes of it. Heh heh heh.

Why? God, WHY?

There is just NO logic for this. None.

Hey! Who wants to lock some celebrities up in jail?

The latest reality idea.

Leave the Dixie Chicks alone.

Death threats? Good lord. What is wrong with this country?

Kirk and Spock: The Lost Episode

Go to May 18, the 8-9 hour. Suffice it to say, created by slash fans. Heheheh.

Guess what my birthday is!

Armenian Martyrs Day!

(Somewhere, you know various people are thinking, "Yeah, that explains a lot about her...)

Other events today. Other birthday folks. (Kelly Clarkson? There's a new addition.)

"IF APRIL 24TH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ... there is a touch of mystery around you. When you want to be, you are glamorous and sexy. Others look to you for leadership. This year promises favorable long-term adjustments. Change of residence or acquisition of property likely. You want to be in charge, but you may be unheard. Feelings of love and enjoyment predominate. June, July will see responsibilities toward close relatives. Socially you're in demand."

"What to expect during the next 12 months: Memories and old feelings are very powerful. Your focus on the past can be either a tremendous distraction or a great source of inspiration. It is important to stay focused on what you believe in the most. You have a wonderfully artistic and creative sensibility. This year you will be able to translate this into practical terms. August 27, 2003 and December 26, 2003 are lucky days. The best days for romance are May 20, 2003 and November 30, 2003 to December 1, 2003. February 10-11, 2003 is a high-energy time. Be cautious. There is a risk of overindulgence."

Did one of these and got this: "A fortunate change of circumstances occurs in your work and career! You may receive a promotion, a job offer, a large contract, or salary increase. In one way or other, you step out of a situation that had become limiting and restrictive." (Since promotion, large contract, and salary increase are strictly ruled out here now, this makes me bloody nervous...) "Don't wait for everything to fall in your lap. This is a good time to investigate new avenues for growth in career, to interview for a new job, and explore alternative solutions to finding fulfilling and satisfying employment. You may be surprised to hit upon something that is very good." (Eep.)

"This is a time when it is difficult to stay within a budget or on a diet, as your tendency is to splurge on beautiful things and to enjoy yourself as much as possible. You want comfort and ease, and have luxurious tastes. Quality is especially important to you right now. Also, you want to share whatever good fortune you have. You need company and happy fellowship. It's a good time for a party, as long as you don't overdo it.

Confusion, inability to focus on mundane tasks, poor understanding or miscommunication between yourself and others, and the desire to evade real responsibilities and challenges are negative potentials for you now. You are more sensitive, impressionable, dreamy, or idealistic at this time also." (Kinda obvious today, given what I'm doing during lunch...)

"A significant personal encounter or confrontation occurs today. You cannot, and probably will not want to, be alone now. This is a time to reach out to people and to get others' input or counsel. Listen to your mate or a friend who can enlighten you at this time. Also, consulting a professional for health, business, or personal reasons will be very constructive and fruitful now.

You're more moody, oversensitive, or touchy than usual, and your irritablity is apt to provoke discord in your immediate environment. Relations with parents, children, or other close associates are tense.

The forces of war and peace oppose one another in you. Whether to compromise and cooperate or stand up for you yourself is a basic question now. Ideally, you learn how to disagree in a pleasant manner which eliminates disputes.

This is a time when the big questions of life occupy your attention and you may be drawn to study philosophy, religion, metaphysics, or other areas which open up new worlds to you. Mind-expanding studies or travel are likely, and foreign cultures have a strong appeal to you now. A pilgrimage or journey may be on the agenda.

Greater responsibility and concern over business affairs, joint finances, and anything you own in common with another, are on the agenda. You may feel burdened by the commitments for support which you have pledged, or suddenly find a source of income that you relied upon is no longer available to you. This is definitely not a good time to initiate business ventures or go into debt.
At this time, you communicate more directly and forcefully, and you are prone to be rather abrasive. Impatient with others' ambiguity, vagueness, or noncommital stance, you may provoke arguments in an effort to get a clear answer or decision from someone. It is better to "attack" some intellectual problem or task, rather than your neighbors and friends.

You are feeling inspired creatively and romantically and you express your loving feelings quite openly now. Creative self-expression of any kind is favored at this time. You will also thoroughly enjoy artistic, musical, or cultural events and activities, especially in the company of a loved one.

Your desire for comfort, security, and privacy is stronger now, and spending some quality time with your family or by yourself at home is satisfying. This is a time for going within to replenish yourself in order to meet the challenges and stresses of your usual activities. Domestic or family matters are emphasized.
Partnerships, marriage, and your close, one-to-one relationships engage much of your attention now and you are called upon to cooperate and perhaps to relinquish some of your own personal interests for the sake of harmony and mutual benefit. The emphasis is on "we" rather than "me". You will not wish to go it alone, and will seek the companionship and counsel of others.

If you are having difficulties in some area of your life, now is the time to seek the advice of a counselor or consultant, someone with an objective point of view. "

Another one: "Uranus aspecting the Sun suggests that the individual desires to make changes, possibly in rapid succession. Generally, any solar return year that has a major Uranus-Sun aspect also has a corresponding significant life change or development such as a pregnancy or birth, career or job transfer, relocation, illness, etc. Changes tend to be more disruptive and less controllable when they involve a conjunction, square or opposition aspect, but all aspects can ultimately indicate beneficial changes. Issues involving boredom versus originality, or creativity and freedom versus restriction, are common.

Although Jupiter transits a new sign every year, Sun-Jupiter aspects do not occur in every solar return chart. The major task associated with Sun-Jupiter aspects is expansion of the personality into new areas of expertise. Hopefully, this expansion will be consistent with the individual's philosophical beliefs and spiritual goals. Jupiter's sign may be significant in some way, though usually it is the house placement that is important. For example, Jupiter in Capricorn can suggest a preoccupation with materialism. If Jupiter is also in the 4th house of the solar return chart, the individual may be looking to buy a bigger house in a more prestigious neighborhood. The main danger associated with this planet is a tendency toward excessive behavior and a refusal to curb personal needs and desires in consideration of others. Beneficial opportunities are associated with Jupiter; however, there is no guarantee of a positive return. You can augment the possibilities through enthusiasm."

A moment of four-year-old Buffy fandom

Hee!

Cute outside, angry inside.

This slogan's even better with Hello Kitty. Goth lollipop HK, also cute. I also like her punk boyfriend. Hey, anyone want to get me some last-minute birthday gifts? (Hah, my mother HATES Hot Topic with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns, so somehow I don't think so...)

Ewwww.

Warning, this WILL gross you out. "Do I want to put this back in my mouth? I don't think so."

Why I posted a grossout, I really don't know.

Firefly: the movie?

I guess that's what they're working on now.

Tipping assistance

Honestly, I'd like it if more people did this. Because my math just sucks and I'm tired of trying to (a) frantically do math in my head and screwing it up because I can't do math if I can't see the numbers, or (b) being laughed at because I started writing numbers on a napkin.

Anyone local actually read this site?

Because I'm thinking that starting one of these would be a damn cool idea....

Happy birthday to you, you belong in a zoo...

Yeah, it's my *bleeping* birthday today. So what the hell, I'll actually do a non-linked post.

So far I'm starting to worry. Last night while I was out doing pre-birthday dinner and Chuck E. Cheese with my roommate, I lost the stylus to my new Palm. (When I'm going to find time to haul ass across town to look for a new one, I don't know.) Then I ended up coughing till I threw up at around 1 a.m. and that kinda ruined sleeping. This morning, it's raining and I realized that I left my umbrella in my roommate's car...and she works nights and needs the sleep.

Is this an omen?

You know, I could understand people and the "Scud Stud."

I could understand those who lusted after Bill Clinton. I could get the Stephanopolous lust. But Ari "Stonewall" Fleischer?

Oh, no. Oh no no no no no. Please, NO.

O.J. Simpson. Getting his own show. Oh dear fucking God. Sure, kill your ex and her friend, get a TV show, no problem! What, is Scott Peterson going to get one in a few years?

Bush may not make it to the Alabama ballot.

This sort of excites me, even though "oh, gee, guess he'll have to win on a write in" would probably happen.

Sex with a cow

Here. Basically, this is just an excuse to post this, which I LOVE.

Perhaps they should make a drink dedicated to this one. They can call it Flaming Bull.

More on the Jerry Springer opera

"When Jesus slaps Eve in the face, I find that oddly moving."

What would you have been in 1905?

All depends on your gender and father's job, of course. Not a big surprise to hear that I'd be a secretary. Pretty well off.

Do I need to be afraid that...

this will happen to me someday? My bookshelves are a mess.

Dare I say it, but...

these folks obviously haven't had a bunny before, and didn't know that bunnies will chew ANY cord within reach. Thankfully, mine were caught before they did this much damage.

I was at my aunt's this weekend and my cousin in 4-H has two rabbits. Much to my shock, she let one of them roam around the floor and it was right by some cords... and DIDN'T CHEW THEM!!!! I was flabbergasted. What was wrong with that bunny that it had actual good behavior around cords?! (Though Snickers did have a habit of peeing wherever he pleased, so I guess you can't have perfection in bunny behavior.)

Meanwhile, you should fear rabbit gangs in the wild.

Is this going to inspire a Stephen King novel? Watch out in a few years for "The Chocolate Bunny from HELL!"

Angel stuff...

This article claims that some British chick is being tapped to "take over the role of Buffy." Uh, did you completely miss all those stories about how the series is over?

Okay, back to Angel, which will probably return next year, with somebody new (Buffy spoiler within). And here's detailed summaries of the remaining episodes. Some interesting perspectives on Jasmine and Connor in here...below.

Okay, definitely interesting how Connor went with "the lie" and how Jasmine apparently did want to bring utopia in...well, until she got revealed and pissed off, anyway. And ah, yes, I forgot about that after-death-W&H contract of Lilah's... Weird frigging ending though.

Duct tape wedding gown.

You know, this looks actually quite classy and pretty, not to mention rather comfortable to wear. Not like, er, the red dress here.

Thank you, Monty.

He says some stuff I thoroughly agree with on spoilers.

"I can understand not wanting to know about big, dramatic plot twists before a movie comes out. But if it's been out for a few weeks, you don't get to tell people to stop talking about it on the grounds that you're thinking of maybe seeing the movie some time, and you don't want to mess up the pristine viewing experience. If it means that much to you, see the movie when it comes out.

As a corollary, I have to warn you that at a certain point, you're opening yourself up for mockery. Citizen Kane is over sixty years old; you've had plenty of opportunity to see it. Fifty years ago, Peanuts was using "Rosebud was his sled" as a punchline. Anyone who is currently thinking of complaining that I've "spoiled" a movie that came out before they were born can, quite frankly, shut up.

Normally, I don't care about being spoiled. It's my contention that if a single piece of information can ruin a book or a movie, then that book or movie was already flawed. Even straightforward whodunit mysteries can, if they're well-written, reward rereading. And I'd rather people just say what's on their minds rather than, once they've found out I'm the only one in the lunch group that hasn't seen Unbreakable, talk about the movie while dancing around the "twist".

As far as I'm concerned, (a) there is only so far most people should have to go to make sure you remain pure and "unspoiled," and after that, it's up to you to save your ears from sulliment, and (b) it won't kill you and/or ruin ALL of your enjoyment of the thing to find out a detail about the plot. My ex was ridiculous about this- he threw a hissy when I mentioned that a character was in a new book. He wanted to know NOTHING about the book before reading it but the title. Oh, please. I'm a big spoiler whore, and it's still different for me actually seeing what happens as opposed to hearing beforehand what happens.

Homeland Security Is For Girls

This article about how women are the ones who worry about terrorism and run out to buy duct tape while men just kick back and relax is depressing. "So why do women feel they're more likely to be targets when in reality few outside certain neighborhoods are apt to be at any risk at all? "Women feel more insecure because generally they are more insecure," explains pollster Anna Greenberg. Women aren't just more likely to be more worried about terrorism than men, they're often more anxious about everything else that can go wrong, too. Which makes sense, she says, when you consider that women are more likely to be in the low-wage service sector, more likely to be laid off or unemployed, and more likely to be cash-strapped single heads of households. When things go wrong, they simply tend to hit women harder."

I hate being a girl.

This is creepy

Apparently, the Bush White House doesn't really want to answer any questions. And when I say "questions," I mean questions about say, Easter dinner. Not that I CARE what he did/ate for Easter dinner, mind you, but when they won't even talk about the trivial....

Some controversies never die.

Back when I was in high school, people were plotzing at the very idea of the prom prize item being a champagne glass with a CANDLE stuck in it, because that would promote drinking. Er, one, you COULDN'T drink out of it (at least, not for awhile), and for two, who wants to drink wax with their booze? Not to mention what one of the students we interviewed about this for a project said (direct quote), "I will drink out of my fucking hand if I have to."

Well, it's a little more interesting in Gulf Shores, where only the boys are given shot glasses and beer mugs at the prom. Dammit, that's stereotyping! Girls drink too!

"We saw these as commemoratives," Davis said. "You know, they're not shot glasses until you put alcohol in it. It's not a beer mug until you put beer in it." Can't argue that point. Hell, you could be drinking root beer... or doing NyQuil shots...

Apparently other schools in the area have tended to hand out champagne flutes and martini glasses as well. This amuses me because now they've switched to handing out candles, and say that the champagne flutes were cheaper. And get this quote: "I guess we didn't realize that it could be misconstrued as the wrong message," Walker said of last year's martini glasses. "It's hard to misconstrue a candle holder." Not if you use the champagne flute AS the candle holder, I guess...

Snape again!

First this, now this. I'm starting to worry about myself.

You are ... about to kill me for asking you these
questions.


Who are you in the Harry Potter or Hogwarts Universe?
brought to you by Quizilla

Davis Life

Davis social life. And, well, I can't disagree with this.

This dude seems to think the Matrix is real.

Uh, yeah. And here's the review. I dunno, I think I'd rather take the blue pill and go out for steak.

Oh man.

I'm pro-choice, but I can't say that I'd agree with this.The head of the National Organization for Women's Morris County chapter is opposing a double-murder charge in the Laci Peterson case, saying it could provide ammunition to the pro-life lobby." (Note: this woman does NOT live in California.)

"If this is murder, well, then any time a late-term fetus is aborted, they could call it murder," Morris County NOW President Mavra Stark said on Saturday." (Late-term abortions hardly ever happen, hello? From what I've read, they usually only occur if there was a major problem with the fetus. I dunno, I'd think that would be a separate situation.)

"More than two dozen states, including California, have adopted "fetal homicide" statutes, and prosecutors often will seek a double-murder charge when a pregnant woman is killed." (Fine by me- if the mother wanted to keep the kid, then it's not abortion.)

"Under California law, murder charges can result if the fetus is older than seven weeks." (Though I'm surprised it's that early on in the pregnancy. Isn't twelve weeks usually the "viability point" people go by?)

"To convict Peterson of murdering his unborn son, prosecutors would have to prove either that he intended to kill the fetus or knew that it would die as a result of Laci Peterson's death." (Oh, PLEASE. How could you NOT know that the fetus would die if the mother did? Frigging four-year-olds could figure that one out. )

Now if he'll just put Dubya in a pink dress...

"Emil Vicale's business really began to surge when he put Osama bin Laden (news - web sites) in a pink dress.

His new hit is Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, who comes in two versions, "dumb" and "dumber." The dumber one talks."

How on earth is she getting job offers?

"I want a well-paid job. I have no imagination, I am anti-social, uncreative and untalented."

Geeks, Twits, and Nerds

The definition- once and for all. "The bottom line: Geeks are just plain weird, Twits are obnoxious critics who think they know everything about everything, and Nerds are intelligent people who know who they are and where they are going.

What are you? Well, here's a way to tell:

If you think you qualify as a Nerd, you're probably a Twit.

If you think you're too much of a Twit to be a Nerd, you probably are a Nerd.

If you think being a Geek is far worse than being a Twit, you're probably a Twit.

If you think you're a Geek, you are. But take comfort: You've acknowledged it - That's the first step in becoming a Nerd!"

I never thought I'd see one of those things where becoming a Nerd was actually desireable.

While I think the entire Twit category is dead on the money (I'm reminded of my favorite Monty Python skit), I highly disagree with the entire Geek category and somewhat with the Nerds. The author indicates that Nerds are close to perfect- uh, yeah. Not totally. As for the Geeks, geeks are well, described as total morons here. No intelligence whatsoever, in addition to no clue as to how to deal with people in public. I knew some people like that in school, but "geek" was too good of a title for them. And aren't geeks these days people who are obsessed with computers/Star Wars/Star Trek/Star Anything?

Back to the Japanese golden poop...

The words for 'luck' and 'poo' are very similar in Japanese. I think this explains a lot.

Bunnies Behaving Badly

Now you can send your bad bunnies to bunny obedience school.

Angel end of season spoilers

Here. Comments are you-know-where...

Since when did Lilah- BEHEADED Lilah- come back from the dead? The fuck? What is it with Angel and bringing back the really, really dead? That just annoys me.

I find it interesting that Connor knew what Jasmine really looked like all along.

Childless old people not dying of loneliness.

There's something to tell the relatives next time they pressure you.

Hah, I knew it

You know all those programs about raising your self-esteem that they've been hyping for years? That they had to torture me with for years? Scientifically proven that it's all a load of crap!

Seems appropriate.

"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"

Is my skirt too short?

Heh.

Jerry Springer: The Opera

"Everyone is always telling me I am going to hell. Now I've seen it," Springer said afterwards."

When the second act opens, (a little clumsily) Springer finds himself in hell, face to face with the devil. Satan himself demands that Jerry host a special performance of his show, mitigating a battle between the Dark Lord and Jesus. When this first started I had to cringe, fearing the worst type of moral posturing, but it actually turns out to be the best part of the show. All the divine figures (Adam and Eve, Jesus himself) turn out to be no better than the guests from the first half of the show. Adam sings that all women are no better than "whores and sluts" and Eve mocks Adam's sexual stature."

Well, that just figures.

Highly educated workers seem to be at greater risk for poor mental health than the general U.S. population. This somehow surprises me not a whit, as the smartest and most creative people are often the most crazy and generally fucked-up. According to my psych classes, that's because they think differently from most people and this causes problems. Figures.

Man, I wish I could go see them in concert.

The Rock Bottom Remainders. "Our typical song has no redeeming social value; it's not about increasing literacy or having a better relationship between a mother and a daughter. Our typical song carries the message: Don't cross train tracks if you're making out with somebody in the car."

Some people REALLY like to be whipped into shape

Literally.

Ah, the joys of self-medication...but it's for school!

This wouldn't surprise me so much in China, but now that kind of thing has hopped continents. I never thought that people would actually enjoy taking a drug that made them zone in on one thing so dang much.

Bribing your tenants to pay the rent on time.

You know, I think offering a free vacation would go over really well in my town...heh.

The pinchable Brad Pitt

Apparently, they had to make a new wax version of Brad Pitt because his original waxy ass was getting lipsticked and underwear stashed in his pockets and whatnot.

"Brad was happy to provide sculptors with a mould of his rear, which was cast in a foam and silicone mixture to achieve a squeezable feel.

The spokeswoman added: 'I think he is quite amused by the idea. We have been in touch with Brad's agent but he seems to be waiting to see how many squeezes he gets before he says anything.'"

Here's a fundraiser for ya

You knew someone had to do one of these sometime.

Straight Talk About Graduate School

People, for some obscure reason, are always telling me that I should go to grad school. I think it's because of the glasses. Seriously. Or just that it's the traditional "stalling point" for those who don't want to get real jobs or don't like what job they have. I suspect, however, that anyone who actually wants to go should read this. It is blunt and truthful and gets into the horrors of the thing and what to watch out for. Oy. Vey. Also read this too.

Damn, and we didn't get to see Mal naked.

Missing Firefly episode script, "Trash." Oh, man, I TOTALLY WANT TO SEE THIS! (Upon rethinking, and knowing I'll get complaints, moved the commentary on this to the hidden link below. Sigh.)

Oh, for some funny, check the ad banner here today, featuring the Firefly DVD and Nathan-as-Caleb saying, "huh, the things I gotta do to keep flyin.'"

It's got "Mrs. Reynolds" in it! (I don't care if I spoil it, it's going to be half a year before the DVD comes out.) I totally hoped they'd bring her back!

Here's an amusing bit of dialogue:

JAYNE: Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted.

RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.

JAYNE: Well Jayne ain't a girl. (to Simon) She starts on that "girl's name"
thing, I'm a show her good an' all I got man parts.

SIMON: I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not coming.

And I like this bit:

ZOE: See, that's where me and Companionship part ways. I never could work the notion of pretending a man was gettin' it done when he wasn't.

INARA: So you've never pretended to fall.

ZOE: Well, never is a strong word... sometimes it's easier.

INARA: What about with Wash?

ZOE: One time. Poor boy was bone-tired...

INARA: And?

ZOE: He knew. Son of a bitch called me on it.

INARA: That's the one you marry.

ZOE: Damn right.

You gotta love seeing a picture of a child wearing a shirt with a swear word on it.

Go Sara, Elphaba, and Hadden.

Who wants to buy a GOLDEN TURD?

Of course, this comes from Japan.
"Ryukodo, a Kyoto-based decoration manufacturer, has trouble pushing out enough of its golden turds to keep up with demand.

The blistering pace at which they've sold since hitting souvenir stores and clothing outlets across Japan since June 2000 seems to vindicate the old adage that nothing is as grossly overrated as awful sex and nothing as underrated as laying a decent log.

Supposedly lucky charms, golden turds weigh just under 2 grams and their curl gives them a height of some 1.2 centimeters. Rather than appearing scatological, they're cute little dollops of dung, which first made them a hit among high schoolgirls." (Because EVERY stupid trend in Japan starts with high school girls. I think I fear Japanese high school girls.)

"I bought loads of them and gave them to each member of my family as a souvenir," a schoolgirl who developed a feel for the fake feces she bought while on a school trip to Nagasaki tells Shukan Asahi. "I tied the one I bought for myself on the end of my mobile phone."

Since the end of last year, sales have been far from bogged down. Instead, they've skyrocketing as growing numbers of housewives and salarymen scramble to get their hands on these nuggets." (And what's even scarier in Japan, the adults follow up on all the dumb teen trends.)

"With the world as bleak as it is nowadays, we wanted to come up with a product that would get people laughing," the golden turds' creator, Ryukodo president Koji Fujii, tells Shukan Asahi, giving the poop on why his products are far from being just mere crap. "Nobody in the world would get angry if somebody gave them one of our turds as a souvenir" (I would. It's even worse than the "My parents went to Hawaii and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" souvenir. "My parents went to Japan and all I got was GOLDEN SHIT!") "and just seeing them presented would lighten up the whole atmosphere. It's been over two years since we really first started selling them, but I reckon the world has become an even darker place in that time." (So, okay, they're doing this as a worldwide morale booster...okay, that's frightening. Hey, there's a war on and the world's going to hell, buy a golden turd!)

"Current versions include turds with funny faces painted on them, and others that emit a fragrance, though the odor let off is highly unlikely to be anything like the real thing." (I can understand the funny faces. But why would you want to buy a SMELLING golden turd? And yeah, I'd frigging HOPE it doesn't smell like the real thing!) "Ryukodo employees are currently scratching their heads over how to come up with more ideas for other shitty products." (I don't wanna know. And yet, should I find another link on this someday, I will post it with horror.)

Though hey, I guess you could use it to check for cancer. What is with the Japanese and the scatological?

Also in Japan, they have discovered that a lion crap a day keeps the deer away.

Japanese folks are swarming to get married, but they won't sleep with their spouses, prefer to boink their sons or masturbate with toys. Between that and the above stories about schoolgirl prostitutes, man, this country needs a boatload of psychiatrists and sex therapists shipped over, stat.

Hey, PDA geeks!

I made a PDA version of this page. Not all links work on a PDA, of course, but hey, what the hell. (Besides, after my new Palm i705 comes in next week, I can read my own page online!)

Explaining Jewish Holidays

Heheheh.

Man sentenced to sleep in doghouses for a month.

He seems to be pissy about it.

Who comes up with this stuff?

World Champion Michael Schumacher could better his performance on the track by getting his wife pregnant, taping a picture of his family to his steering wheel or milking cows to improve his finger work.

Those were among the top 25 tips from among several thousand suggestions sent to German newspaper Bild by worried fans eager to help Schumacher overcome a nightmare start to the Formula One season with just eight points from three races."

The wannabe 51st state

Welcome to Jefferson. Northern CA and southern Oregon won't miss those counties anyway, right? I find it funny that while they go into the "history" of trying to secede in 1941, they have no explanation as to why this didn't work, or any further updates on the current movement. I thought it was illegal to secede from the US anyway?

I can't believe they have a State of Jefferson Alpaca Association.

Here's how to start your own country.

Hey, this is funky.

A bookshelf in the shape of a man.

I absolutely love and adore this comic.

I worship it. I laugh my ass off at it. (Thank God we have enormous monitors and DSL at work.) And not just because it features (a) a Ninja Rabbit guy, and (b) is made entirely out of Legos, either. It's also perhaps the funniest thing I've ever seen.

The Unlikely Society. The bios are wonderful. With a cast involving characters like Token Girl, the Elvinator, and Apathy Boy ("Powers like an ancient Greek god, and zero motivation." Unless you take his TV Guide or interrupt his programming, that is.), it's gotta be great.

Pimp Hats!

Pimptastic!

Ouch.

I'm afraid to ask. (Link property of Julie.)

No, apparently she can't read.

Submitted by chicagowench:

"we are 39weeks and we are wondering what are the natural ways of inducing labor?"


"This is a swine site and not a human medicine site. Ask your physician."

You'll note the large purple SWINE logo at the top...

Saddam as a gay porn star?

Okay, so the odds of this being true are probably not great, but wouldn't it be fun?

I thought it never left?

Sign the petition to bring back the mullet!

I'm not sure what good this is going to do...

Sign the petition to make God make orgasms longer.

Er....astrological signs...

painted on naked women. Truly bizarre.

San Francisco: highest-risk city in the world.

I'm not moving there. Ever. "When one combines the high likelihood that San Francisco will suffer a devastating earthquake and fire in the next few decades with its outsized role as a terrorist target, experts say, the combined level of peril is unique in the world."

I want a Monster Home!

If only I had a house and lived in LA... "Welcome to Monster House, a new show that transforms ordinary homes into functional themed masterpieces. Are you a golf-lover? Give us your house for seven days, and you may return to a nine-hole green in your back yard. Partial to castles? Then obviously you have need of a moat and drawbridge. Or perhaps you're Goth-esque, and favor a coffin for a bed."

Heh. I relate to these a little.

I'm currently on one side of this...let's hope I don't make it to the other.

Posting this one 'cause I think it's funny, and my fellow co-poster here won't be seeing it for awhile to get offended ;)

"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"

Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix Spoilers!

Read at your own risk! Though this is more of an opener/teaser than a big plot ruiner, I must say.

You know, I just don't find Draco all that scary yet.

Small children do, apparently.

One in four homeless South Koreans....

have been given credit cards. Gah.

Firefly DVD followup

It's coming out in time for Christmas.

Ben and J.Ho in a remake of Casablanca?

I hadn't heard of this horror ("Ilsa from the Block", my non-bootylicious ass), but apparently there's a petition against the idea.

Meanwhile, Ben has apparently bought and designed J.Ho a jewel-studded toilet seat. And you thought her insistence on pissing on rose petals in the bowl was bad. Someone just shoot them now, please? I liked Ben before, but GEEEEEEEEEEZ.

J.Ho gets labeled a "celebrity monster."

What Harry Potter guy are you most compatible with?

With Which Harry Potter Male Are You Most Sexually Compatible?
brought to you by Quizilla

My fellow poster here, upon hearing this, said, "Sounds like me." I personally was shocked. Sweet and innocent me, with SNAPE?!

Here's something I wouldn't have figured someone would do.

The remaking project: "Please feel free to take the plays from this website and use them as a resource for your own work: cut them up, rearrange them, rewrite them, throw things out, put things in, do whatever you like with them—don't just make a few cuts or rewrite a few passages, but pillage the plays and build your own entirely new piece out of the ruins—and then, please, put your own name to the work that results."

I can't really argue with his point that playwriting is pretty much ripping off of others' work anyway.

But I've got one thing to say: If your last name was Mee, would you really want to go by "Chuck?"

At first, you think it's funny.

You see stuff like Unofficial Operation Iraqi Freedom Action Cards! and it's amusing. Then you find out that our government seems to have taken the cards idea rather seriously. I'm not entirely sure why, and it's just rather weird and bizarre. But whatever sicko thought that Uday should get the Ace of Hearts needs to be smacked severely.

If Rumsfeld took up a job on the side...

Donald Rumsfeld's Sex Advice. Hee!

"Listen, anybody that can talk clean can talk dirty. Dirty talk is just like normal talk, except dirty. Your wife wants dirty talk, so give her dirty talk. Something like, "Those breasts are first-rate," or "I am going to give you a darned good orgasm," or, if she likes the rough stuff, "I'll tell you this, I am about to give you the business and I don't want to hear any guff about it."

I can see what you're trying to do, but you're going to have to do better than that. Donald Rumsfeld is not going to be tricked into revealing something stupid about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld by such a question. If I answer, then someone will say, "Oh, goodness, the Rumsfelds are into threesomes," and then it gets repeated and picked up, and then suddenly everybody's talking about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld and threesomes, and that's not what this is about. That said, bring it up in a very loving way and let her choose the third party. Also, alcohol never hurts.

I'm just going to say this once. There is no such thing as premature ejaculation. There is ejaculation, and there is non-ejaculation. If your husband is ejaculating, then count your blessings. Congratulations, you just had sex. That's what men do—they ejaculate. All this business about, "Oh, henny penny, my husband is a premature ejaculator!" is just a lot of twaddle and claptrap. You say it enough and pretty soon, believe me, he won't be ejaculating at all."

Oh my lord, these comments are...

well, just read for yourself if you want a really bad, ridiculous laugh. So NSFW, as it involves er, the male version of the vibrator. Ah, the joys of clicking on something after thinking "What the heck is one of those?" ...

Cavie Music

Submitted by Claire, proud owner of the cute Cesar:

Living Cavia Loca.

Piggies We Have Heard On High.

Guinea Pig (Barbie Girl)

Perhaps I should make up stuff like this about bunnies.

One of the worst wedding stories ever.

Scroll down on here to post #15, "Well, I attended a bridal horror story anyway... " by TheMCP. It features an insane fundamentalist minister bride's daddy who insisted on doing a HEAVILY Jesus-fied, vow-to-Jesus-three-times ceremony- and the groom was Jewish. He invited a bunch of his friends and hardly any of the couple's- and no, they didn't know any of said dad's friends. All of the dad contingent completely ignored the groom's family in the receieving line. Oh yeah, and the couple held their own reception while the dad did his for his friends.

Let's pretend we're going to Mars!

Reminds me of Biosphere 2, somehow... "The Russian laboratory dedicated to space medicine has said it will confine and isolate six cosmonauts for 17 months to test the ability of a crew to survive a return trip to Mars.

The six chosen participants, probably all male, would be confined in three modules with a total area of 400 square metres."

On the one hand, it's a sensible id