June 30, 2003
Cross those legs, ladies, but let the boys screw where they may!
The best response I've seen to this "virgins in Vegas" thing.
"Virginity, you see, makes you more valuable. This, I assume, is why "the virgin brigade passed out about 5,000 "Good Girl Cards" to mostly female passerbys (sic)." Now, I agree that virgins could use a little positive word-of-mouth: when I was in high school, "virgin" was a dirty word, even for the girls, who had to walk the shifting and treacherous line between prude and slut. But this is rather loaded terminology. If avowed virgins are "Good Girls," then what exactly are the rest of us? Well, that's really not too tough to figure out. Is it always essential to boost your own identity by slamming another? Couldn't we have, oh, "Being a Virgin Works For Me!" cards instead?
What I find curious about the view of Virginity As Free Pass is that it doesn't seem far removed from the trap that these groups claim awaits teenage girls who do give it up. The argument is that girls often have sex in order to hang onto guys, who think nothing of manipulating them into doing things they're not ready for (no word on the damaging effect of premarital sex on the boys, by the way – in time-honored tradition, virginity is primarily the responsibility and potential downfall of the girls). So, apparently, virginity is also a commodity for these lost souls – but it's one that they're willing to trade for the lesser prize of momentary attention from a heartless male, instead of the "sure thing" of marriage (divorce is a topic rarely discussed at the Abstinence Clearinghouse, unless it's to note how much more often it occurs among people who practice premarital sex).
But if there is a problem with teens and sex, it seems to me that encouraging them to think of sex as a form of currency, and of their virginity as property that needs to be protected from marauding trespassers; to imply to young girls that the only way for them to be "good" is to be untouched; to enforce the idea that once you cross that line you're damaged goods, is the wrong way to go about it. Whether you come out on the save-it or spend-it side, isn't this an unhealthy attitude?"
Stuff you can't do before getting on a plane any more.
No setting off fireworks for a few days before, and no golfing without cleaning up first. Damn.
Oh, the irony.
Maternity store fires women for being pregnant. Yeesh.
He's 6'1 and manages to fool people into thinking he's a 13-year-old GIRL.
HOW?! What are they, blind?
Samuel Jackson gives big fat SWIII spoiler...
that let's face it, you had to already know. Heh.
Comic book geek alert...
Some actual information about 1602 from Neil Gaiman.
Columbine writes up...
Ten Short Thoughts About Harry Potter. Yes, spoilerriffic. Commentary below...
I agree with many of Columbine's points (except for the bit about how Ron's going to end up with a domestic goddess and Harry should end up with Hermione- Ron hasn't struck me as one who thinks little women should be in the kitchen. I personally have no problems at all with Harry and Hermione getting together, but JKR doesn't have any interest in that and at any rate, Harry seems to go for Quidditch jocks), but especially the rest of the puberty/sex talk.
"Also, what real children of fifteen/sixteen are this naive about kissing and such anymore? Is Rowling living in a fantasy world? Children of fifteen these days are having oral sex in their school bathrooms." (Heh, I've been thinking much the same thing, but not that explicit! Hee!) "Okay, sure, she can't put that in the book and I understand that this is in many ways a sheltered fantasy world, but I expected a LITTLE less naivete. I suspect there are quite a few readers Harry's age - i.e. the target audience - who were having their first experience of smirking at an author getting something horribly wrong during these sequences.
One more thing about this whole game of mating and dating and hating and berating (to steal a phrase from Matt Groening). It occurs to me, and it may have occurred to you, that Hogwarts is not just a school. It's also the primary venue for forming future ties. I would have to imagine, given the difficulties of wizards socializing after school ends, that many or most of the long-term relationships between wizards formed while the participants were still at Hogwarts. In other words, in this peculiar environment, it is NOT unreasonable to expect Harry to have found the long-term love of his life by the end of his seventh year. So pick from the candidates available, folks, and place your bets now ...."
Now that is a great invention.
Shall I go for the high heeled option, or go flat today? Now I can pick with the same shoe! I just hope your stiletto doesn't collapse on you while you're walking.
The horror, the horror
I loathe places like Tranquility Bay. They are fucking scary traps that kids can't escape from unless they become mindless automatons. I'm not joking.
"Students who fail to grasp this formula are forcefully encouraged to get the message. One girl currently has to wear a sign around her neck at all times, which reads: 'I've been in this programme for three years, and I am still pulling crap.'
When most children first arrive they find it difficult to believe that they have no alternative but to submit. In shock, frightened and angry, many simply refuse to obey. This is when they discover the alternative. Guards take them (if necessary by force) to a small bare room and make them (again by force if necessary) lie flat on their face, arms by their sides, on the tiled floor. Watched by a guard, they must remain lying face down, forbidden to speak or move a muscle except for 10 minutes every hour, when they may sit up and stretch before resuming the position. Modest meals are brought to them, and at night they sleep on the floor of the corridor outside under electric light and the gaze of a guard. At dawn they resume the position.
This is known officially as being 'in OP' - Observation Placement - and more casually as 'lying on your face'. Any level student can be sent to OP, and it automatically demotes them to level 1 and zero points. Every 24 hours, students in OP are reviewed by staff, and only sincere and unconditional contrition will earn their release. If they are unrepentant? 'Well, they get another 24 hours.'
One boy told me he'd spent six months in OP.
I didn't think this could be true, but it transpired this was not even exceptional. 'Oh no,' says Kay. 'The record is actually held by a female.' On and off, she spent 18 months lying on her face.
That without Tranquility they would be dead is an article of faith among all the students.
I ask one how they would have died. 'What?'
It soon becomes apparent that despite all having been programmed with the script of their near death, no one has paused to wonder how it would have happened. But if they hadn't been dead, they would have been poor, a destiny they have been taught to consider more or less the same thing. 'Tranquility showed me that I'd have been a minimum wager,' Nick says. 'This place saved my life.'
'I'd probably be living with a drug dealer or something awful like that,' speculates a girl. 'And going nowhere. Not being successful.'
What spark Kate and others have is lit only by Kay and the chaperones, towards whom a faintly flirtatious electricity seems to flicker. These children do not just obey rules. They seem to have been psychologically rewired.
'You have to understand,' a former student, who turned 18 and walked out, tries to explain. 'The staff are constantly trying to work out what you are thinking about and constantly telling you what to think about, and then constantly checking to see if you are thinking about it. And if you're not, and they know you're not, you might as well be dead.'
Scott Burkett, a student who left two years ago, explains: 'You can only move forward in the programme if you share intimate details of your life. If you don't share, you're not "working the programme", and they'll take away your points. In a meeting, your rep will suddenly pick on you and say, "Right, I want to hear something private, right now. Come on. Or do you want to go to OP?" And I'm going through this inventory in my head real fast, thinking what will hurt least to say? Because you tell her secrets and then she uses them against you later. Like, say a guy mentions problems with his girlfriend, a month later she'll have him up, and she's saying, "You don't think she's waiting, do you?" She's laughing at you behind your back. "How many of your friends do you think she's sleeping with right now?" So I start telling her something, and she just says, "I'm not listening to that, that's not deep," and she calls for the guard to take me to OP. And I've got until he gets in the room to give her something better, or he's taking me.'"
Honestly, any parent who thinks these places are good is someone I am appalled at. I understand the difficulties of dealing with your punk-ass kid (I may not have been one, but I have had friends), but this is just beyond frightening and veering into psychotic. How you could deliberately do this to someone you love, I do not understand. And one of my mom's bosses did that to his kid (though not TB). OY.
I hate the world sometimes. Heck, make that "often."
This makes me want to cry and cry.
Put in your order today and attempt to catch that road runner!
Submitted by matt again, who must be damned bored, The Illustrated Catalog of ACME Products.
So, was the guy a demon, or just a human in costume?
More about the joys of LARPing while on a Hellmouth.
"A happy hellmouth that bounces? The fun just keeps on leaving." Meanwhile, Dawn seems to have some raging PMS or something.
Big-ass long interview with Joss.
10 pages, folks. The Buffy stuff is towards the end though. The last two pages are where the meat I'm interested in come up, talking about why Kennedy existed and how Joss had planned to bring Tara back, how the whole Giles-not-touching-things was just to fuck with the audience, actual straight talk on the Firefly movie, and that he should have realized earlier that Caleb should have been in all year instead at the end.
The corporate life.
Will Leitch isn't all that thrilled by funky Fridays at work:
"But like most companies during these difficult economic times, my company has been forced to keep a close eye on the bottom line, cut some corners and slash the budget a little. Like anyone who has seen co-workers laid off, this can be demoralizing for the people left behind - though, of course, not as demoralizing as it is to the people who, you know, lost their jobs.
Now, because corporate entities are, well, entities, they can't really go around to each individual employee, pat them on the back, tell them they're doing a good job, that they're appreciated, that their job is safe, that they shouldn't worry, everything will be fine. But they have to do something, right?
It seems amazing that people, adult human beings, not only come up with these ideas, but that they actually think they actually have some hope of being effective. On what planet do people respond to such condescension? Do people who work in human resources take their son aside and tell them, "Boy, I want you to know that I appreciate your productivity this month. On Friday, you will be allowed - no, encouraged! - to part your hair on the right set of your head, rather than the typical left. Enjoy! You deserve it! If you have any further suggestions, please feel free to contact me or your mother during normal business hours."
Listen. I know these people mean well, even neither the word "human" or "resource" is likely to make anyone feel like a unique and special snowflake anytime soon. But we are grown men and women who long ago accepted that to have the things you want in life (money, love, sex, home, alcohol, sex, clothes, sex), you have to work a steady job for a larger company that, by its very essence and structure, really doesn't care for you individually one way or the other. We know this. We've known it for a while. We're not even mad about it; we really don't mind. We're just not particularly fond of being reminded of it through empty platitudes and obviously forced attempts to "relate" to the workers."
It's just a little bitty pissant teddy-bear-sex-type page
Elizabeth Taylor's Inanimate Objects Humping Each Other Page.
Another one for the "too weird to not be real" department.
"Back in 1917, French surrealist and provocateur Marcel Duchamp stunned the art world by presenting an ordinary urinal as a work of art.
A few days ago, artists here underwhelmed New York by presenting a collection of painted portable potties as public art.
The week-long exhibit, which consists of 10 fully functional portable potties, is sponsored by Imodium, the over-the-counter anti-diarrhea medication. It is titled "Urban Relief."
In Washington Square, passerby Richard King, 71, who works in the investment business, paused to look at Anthony Freda's "Imodium Man," which depicts a phone booth and a superhero. ("You go in and you are transformed into a superhero," Freda explained at the potties' unveiling. "Imodium Man is bursting out the front door with an expression of relief.")
King scowls. "I have no use for that kind of art," he says. "I like neorealism. I like Norman Rockwell. I like Picasso in his early periods, the blue period and the pink period, which were pretty realistic."
The superhero is green, and his trunk and cape are magenta. "It's idiotic," says King."
June 27, 2003
Ughhhhhh, people!
Submitted by an also-disgusted matt: "Opponents of the move to recall Gov. Gray Davis are asking their supporters to intimidate signature gatherers and complain of harassment at stores where recall petitions are circulating, stepping up the political battle taking place in front of Wal-Marts and Home Depots across California.
In an e-mail message and Internet posting titled "How to Advocate Against the Recall," Davis supporters were told, "It is OK to stand in front of their table or approach potential signers before they do, or otherwise inhibit their activity." The memo instructs people to say they are "offended by being harassed" and file complaints with managers of stores."
I am in no way in favor of the recall (why waste taxpayer money to put someone else in who's not going to do any better? The state is already so fucked that nobody can fix it), but this is disgusting behavior.
Once again... spoiler etiquette bitching.
I gotta love Montykins for his spoiler commentary: "Before I get into this, I ask you this: If you're terrified of reading spoilers, why are you reading reviews? Sheesh. My opinions have some support in the books, and to mention that support, I shall occasionally be referring to the contents of the books. Deal with it."
I am getting pretty annoyed with the spoiler issue of late, in case you couldn't tell from say, that post below about the most useless HP article ever.
If you do not want to know ANYTHING about the books, then it is up to YOU to try to avoid media about them. The rest of the world cannot be held responsible for keeping you innocent most of the time (we'll get to the other part of the time later). For example, those who are paranoid might really want to avoid anything at all with Harry Potter mentioned in it, instead of happily reading and then "Oh my god! Someone mentioned the name of the DADA teacher!". And if you're not planning on reading the book for quite a long time after it comes out AND you want to stay unspoiled (I'm not saying M. Giant is, I don't know and couldn't tell), then frankly, you shouldn't be expecting to stay spoiler-free. It isn't going to happen. Public domain, folks.
This includes book reviews, as Monty pointed out. I started a (very little) review site, and lord knows, it's rather tricky trying to talk about what you liked and didn't like without setting off the Spoiler Police. You know how much of a bitch it is to write a book review without revealing any plot? I've tried. It's useless. "This book was good, except for the ending, which sucked, but I can't tell you why it was good or it sucked. The end." What use is that? If I don't know anything about a plot, I won't bloody read the book. I won't buy a book that has NO plot synopsis and nothing but fancy "This is wonderful" quotes from authors on it, either. If you want to know if a book is good or not without knowing any of the plot before you buy it, I think you're gonna be up Shit Creek. Deal with it.
Incidentally, I did review Harry Potter. I tried to not get into a whole lot of plot detail (my general goal is to only mention events up through the first half of the book in the public section and put end spoilers in the extended entry section), but there really is only so much a girl can do.
And I'm one who would gladly spoil everyone on earth if I could, so you should admire my restraint ;)
Yes, there are sometimes when an anti-spoiler person cannot shelter themselves from finding out stuff. One can't really do anything about say, the office water cooler conversation when it's right next to your office, at least beyond yell. However, those on certain message boards need some help, because it can be prevented if people like, USE BRAIN CELLS.
I'm not picking on any one board here, I've seen this happen on well, every UBB board that has a spoiler thread on HP this week. This routine happens daily.
(1) Someone starts a thread, people start posting, there's a fairly mild "please leave spoiler space" note in the first post. Some people do that.
(2) Some people will leave enough spoiler space. Others will attempt one of the following methods:
(a) Making one or two lines of spoiler space before they start:
Spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler have I left enough space yet? Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
(b) The short text lines variety:
Spoiler space
Spoiler space
Spoiler space
Spoiler space
Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
(c) Doing a bunch of little stars:
*
*
*
*
*
*
Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
(d) Just plain old spacing:
Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
In short, they may (or may not) attempt spoiler space in the way that they've seen it done on e-mail, but they don't get it right for UBB, which deletes extraneous spacing in their showing of active topics. I repeat, the extra spaces get deleted. Only text shows up. So then guess what happens?
(3) Someone will check a list of active topics on UBB and see one of the following spoiler space results when they come across the listing for the thread:
(a) (same as above)
(b) Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
(c) * * * * * * Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
(d) Okay, so Rosebud was his sled...
This person, and then a few others, will promptly have the entire thing RUINED FOR THEM FOREVER and then complain about people being morons.
(4) Someone will post to the thread a warning, telling people IN GREAT DETAIL that in order for spoiler space to work on UBB, a person must type real words, not spaces, not just a few lines of text, they must type a paragraph, for FOUR LINES in order to create enough spoiler space, in order to fend off more of #3 happening.
(5) A few people get the clue, others apparently just can't read and continue to do #2, starting the cycle repeating once again.
Those who can't read, I want to bop in the head, and I'm the biggest spoiler whore out there. Look, I'm not that fond of spoiler space creation either, but do you want everyone on the board to think you're an idiot? No. So here's what you do: make it fun. Get creative. Take four lines to claim that Harry, Cho and Hermione had a threesome in the Potions classroom, or that the Weasley twins are committing incest. Have some fun, go wild, write Harry Potter and the Jerry Springer Episode. Because it's a hell of a lot more fun, easy to remember, and take up space making up something funny than just remembering to type "Spoiler Space!" thirty times in a row. Hell, nobody wants to do that.
Frightening, but could be fun?
Lia has declared June 26 to be David Hasselhoff Day on her blog. Should this interest you, there is much to worship there, including many cheesy pics.
Oh gee, no, lady, you don't have to worry about THAT.
"I was worried that there might be some crank who would think I was sick."
The current economic climate
Nancy had a good piece on the situation (note: I don't think this is a permalink, look for June 25, 2003).
"A friend tells a story about a publishing company, once small, bought out by a larger one, not small, i.e., corporate. The new boss calls a meeting. Opens with a question. "Why do we work?" he asked.
Of course no one answers. Hard-core business folks, like my sister, are used to this sort of Chinese water torture at meetings -- such an opening could mean anything from a company-wide purge to a new, sadistic, morale-booster like "Fish!" (Note: check that link, it is fucking FRIGHTENING.) "Media people, believing they are special because their job is mentioned in the actual Constitution, are more childlike. Still, they know enough to realize this is a rhetorical question, and venturing a guess will get you flattened.
The answer? "To make money for the shareholders."
Now. You can say we are naive, and we are. Of course every company exists to make some money; if it didn't, it'd be the (insert name of favorite dead newspaper here). But at some point, I think the people who put out the actual items the company publishes are justified in saying, "You worry about that stuff, Mr. Boss. Just let me handle the damn editorial product, and everything else will take care of itself. If it doesn't, give me my severance and we'll part as friends. But do not involve me in your petty worry over our profit margin, or I will seize up like an engine that lacks oil. I will be unable to do my job. I will become the worst sort of employee."
But this is the mantra today: Make money for the shareholders. Employees are told about shrinking ad revenues and all the other bad news, to justify the cuts they're asked to absorb. Some day publishers will understand how wrong this is, how they should have just kept us in the dark."
Can't argue with that.
On June 26, Janis called it:
"When does anyone use their religion as an explanation for their actions or beliefs, routinely? When they want to engage in behavior that would get a secular institution sued. When priests tell you why women must be shut out of their decision-making process completely by being barred from ordination and thus barred from the College of Cardinals where all church policy is set ... they use religion as an excuse. When people want to call gay men and lesbians names, they use religion as the excuse. When people want to beat their children black and blue, they use religion as the excuse. When they want to refuse medical treatment to those children, they use religion as the excuse.
I have heard infinitely more people use religion as the excuse for horrible behavior than use it as the explanation for charitable behavior or loving kindness. Religion is the excuse for holding yourself to a low moral standard, where morality is defined as being kind and loving to other people. Treating other people as you would wish to be treated, as the golden rule supposedly says. (It's much more fun to quote Leviticus than to quote Christ, though, isn't it?)
No secular business could get away with explicitly barring women from their Boards of Directors. No corporation could dare state out loud in their bylaws that no gay people are permitted to rise above the title of VP. They'd get sued into the ground and called intolerant, and with good reason.
Unless they are religiously based. Religion is the excuse for hate and permits its followers to adhere to a lower moral standard. Religion is evil. If you tell me you're a religious person, I know what's coming next -- some mealey-mouthed excuse for why you should get to hate someone with a clear conscience. It never involves working harder to be loving, patient, or kind. It never involves charity work, or donations to good causes. Without fail, "I'm a religious person" -- most often "I'm a Christian," let's face it -- is followed by, "and so that's why I get a free pass to act like a shithead. And moreover, because it's all down to religion, I'm actually superior for it!"
I know and know of some decent Christians, but the word itself has been tainted for me forever because of the bad ones. The CHRISTIANS, as I call them, because they're the first to proclaim their Christianity as they do something horrible. I'm at the point where I make the nasty sick face if someone uses the C-word around me. Heck, reading Sara's new weblog always gives me a bit of the willies for the URL alone, even though she seems to be a lovely, sensible person who would never act like any of the so-called CHRISTIANS do.
*sigh*
Yeah, that's practical
Since when did female soldiers ever look feminine? Should she be wearing a camo miniskirt?
In Sunnydale Sock-land...
New slayer Caridad runs into some people playing Buffy LARP. Okay, that's just funny.
Someone else who's deeply disturbed by...
the Laci Peterson tribute songs. Gael found this girl and said, "I can't really say anything about these Laci Peterson tribute songs that Emily didn't say better here." Can't argue that.
"So, is Laci the one crying the flowering tears? Why is Conner refusing to use verbs? Is he two? If they're in heaven, why did he age two years?
These lyrics are the worst of the three. I mean, come on. "Gone straight to heaven, where princess angels live on?" Who writes that? I mean, there's deference, there's victimization, there's idol worship and then there's this.
You may think my righteous indignation is misplaced. You may be right. But you're probably not. These songs are horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE. People die all the time. Women are stalked and slaughtered by their loved ones daily. Why are people writing maudlin, overwrought songs for a woman they didn't even know? That these songs were even written, let alone published on-line on a "credible" newspaper's website, is both depressing and disquieting."
Amen.
Why did they write this?
Most bloody useless article on Harry Potter I've ever seen. "We won't tell you who dies, but it's REALLY SAD! Small children cried for a whole half hour!"
What the heck is...
One of the weirdest inventions I've ever seen in my life.
June 26, 2003
Reading material
I just liked this paragraph. No real reason to put it here.
"I love you. But I lust after and covet so much more than your body. I wanted to possess the power of your eyes, the way they see form and beauty that isn't even there yet and draw it up out of nothing into the solid world. I wanted to own the honor of your heart, unbowed in the vilest horrors of those bleak hours on Komarr. I wanted your courage and your will, your caution and serenity. I wanted, I suppose, your soul, and that was too much to want." -A Civil Campaign.
It's Savage the Savage Day!
Check out the fun. And frankly, one person says what I've been thinking about this guy since he arrived on the scene: "Lock this guy and Dan Savage in a room together, see who survives." Dan, sweeties, always Dan. Didn't you know that Michael and Dan were married in Europe? Michael was the bitch and took Dan's name...
I feel evil.
I hate airport security.
This'll show them EVERYTHING. Yes, EVERYTHING. "Electronic fig leaf?"
Showoff!
Senior takes a helicopter to the prom. Though he almost ran into a problem when his date canceled at the last minute. Luckily, another girl stepped in for ahem, the ride of her life.
"My parents thought it was a little much both times. They just fear the day I get married, to see what kind of stunt I pull then."
When I grow up, I'm gonna follow Teresa Heintz around on tour.
She teaches cartoonists how to draw her current husband.
"Heinz instructed the 150 cartoonists from around the country on how not to draw Kerry in the coming months, using an overhead projector to display cartoons she already disliked: "My husband should not be confused with Punxsutawney Phil. He isn't a basset hound. Please resist the impulse to use Heinz products when drawing my husband & " Concentrate, she said, only on "his noble chin, focused gaze and & smile. In other words, draw him like this."
Up on screen flashed a cartoon of John F. Kennedy."
J.Ho needs to get her mind out of the toilet.
"The headline hogging actress and singer is both infatuated with and flummoxed by matters of the bathroom.” Here's a list of all of J.Ho's various bathroom shenanigans, including the jewel-studded seat, getting her own bathroom at a ballgame, etc., etc. The part that cracks me up is that her first husband was forbidden to share her toilet because of germs. Uh, weren't y'all getting groiny at some point? Or was she too hygenic for that too?
Having a not-so-lovely time, wish I wasn't here...
Tacky Postcards. Who wants a postcard of a jail?
Another one of those "wish I had cable" moments.
This sounds like cool reality TV.
A battle of wits.
Nancy Pants. Has one of the best opening lines you may ever see.
I know the job market is desperate...
but is it bad enough that cow-crap catcher is a hot ticket?
How to make fast food in the comforts of your own home.
(Does that defeat the purpose of fast food?) Anyway, despite my being a pretty shitty cook, I usually find those secret recipes for professionally done food sites to be pretty interesting. Now you can find out how to make McDonald's burgers and White Castle ones on your own.
You know, I'm not even a McDonald's fan in particular, and yet I really shouldn't be looking at stuff like this before lunch.
A lot more interesting than watching someone's vacation slides.
You can probably tell that during the day, I'm often bored and looking for weird shit to listen to online. Because really, I can only listen to my CDs so many times. Today's fun has been the Wil Wheaton Audioblog, where he's phoning in about all the random stuff he's seen while crossing the country. He thinks seeing a semi on blocks is cool, he posed with a jackrabbit because he's inspired by the FARK photoshop contest to conquer everything he can between LA and Tulsa, he goes to Hooters with his wife, he sees giant bull balls... Man, I can't wait to see the pictures when he comes back from this trip.
I was writing down his amusing quotes, but while writing this the first time I hit the wrong button somehow and well, there it went. Dammit. You'll just have to listen for yourself.
The things people come up with sometimes.
This dude put Princess Diana into a comic, as a resurrected mutant zombie.
"If any of them actually reads all five episodes of Di Another Day, they will see that Diana comes out of it a lot better than the British establishment.
Indeed, a couple of old palace eminence grise types arrange for this resurrected mutant zombie to be killed. "And this time, let's do it properly," one of them says.
In fact, I'd really like to do a story where David Beckham joins X-Statix. He's the perfect example of some whose powers - the ability to boot a ball around - have been dwarfed by his celebrity status.
I'd like to have him run around in a spandex superhero costume, become a homoerotic pin-up, get his nose busted in a fight with the Hulk and, as a result, have millions wiped off his "share price".
Aiee!!!!
While the song here is just plain boring, to be honest, check out the picture below. Good lord, a heart with a hard-on.
Evil, wrong, and sick behavior.
Not only is this insane, but one suspects that "substantial" would be defined rather uh, arbitrarily. Like, say, 25 songs = enough to prosecute, "because you can't have that many songs on a real CD!" Some kind of insane logic that would allow them to attack well, everyone, you know?
For my fellow poster, who rarely posts...
I Like Cheese. Rather scary and frightening after awhile... VERY hyper children made this.
Skeezerriffic!
Advice on how to pick up women while they're shopping. Features the old "oh, could you try this on, I'm trying to pick up a gift for my sister, even though I don't actually have a sister" trick. One can't help but wonder what this guy's intentions are, because if this is a one night stand, that's one thing, but if you're actually gonna get serious about the girl, it will come out that uh, you have no sister.
I'm feeling weird after seeing these.
Frightening T-shirts. Though "I buy a lot to fill the void within" is rather suspiciously me of late. And "The whole family is worried" is always appropriate.
June 25, 2003
Come out of the closet, you children's-book-reader, you!
Suuuuure, you don't, that scarf of yours is just a coincidence.
Give a hoot...
Flying on Hooters Air. It's frightening that things like that exist.
More amusement from the Sunnydale Socks.
So, the ghost of Joyce visited Hank to tell him to believe Buffy's crazy vampire stories. The comments between the two in his journal are amusing.
Her: "You never did listen when I said anything important."
Him: "When I get back to LA I am definitely gonna find out who the hell you are. I'll put some of the tech guys at my firm on it, and as soon as I find out who you are I am calling the cops. Stop this stupid little game RIGHT NOW."
Her: "Or maybe I'll just show up in L.A. and start haunting you and your secretaries."
Meanwhile, Hank watches porn. "People can do things with silly string that you’d never imagine." And uh...Xander and Buffy?
Connor seems to be wondering what's going on. And Andrew wants to be a Watcher. Yes. Really. Who else is scared? I know they're probably desperate for hires, but man...
At Wolfram and Hart, they keep a count of how many hours between death threats and chokings. That is just too funny.
I honestly don't know what to say about...
this experience. You're gonna have to read it and shake your head and go "Huh?" a lot. I haven't heard of anything like this since going to Burning Man.
Okay, THIS is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard of.
Male long-distance runners can get bloody nipples. This is apparently just plain old nipple chafing. The article claims that women don't get it because they wear bras and don't have T-shirts rubbing against nipples, but what about bra cloth rubbing up against nipples while running? You'd think, wouldn't you?
If I ever leave the country, I'll have to pick one up.
The American Apology Shirt. Has "I'm sorry my president's an idiot. I didn't vote for him" translated into several languages.
"Gee, why is everyone dancing in leisure suits?"
Sesame Street Fever: The Disco Album. The funniest of the bunch is the unfortunately named (and really, didn't someone THINK about this one?) "Doin' The Pigeon," where Bert won't dance unless his favorite pigeon (wearing a white jumpsuit!) will. The "Disco Cookie" version of "C is for Cookie" is kinda disturbing to me somehow, and I don't know why. "Cookie, dancin, dancin, cookie, disco cookie..." And "chow mein cookies, asparagus cookies"? Ewwww!
And then there's Sesame Disco, the sequel. Not so much with the weird funny, though I actually quite like "Disco Frog". "Doin' the Trash" (another unfortunate title) isn't bad, rather funky. And then there's "Me Lost Me Cookie at the Disco."
I should look for my "Mickey Raps" CD next time I'm at my parents' house, eh?
Is this a surprise to anyone?
Budget? On time? Bwahahahah!!!
*snort* *snicker* *choke* *hee!!!*
Man who's been divorced four times prefers blow-up doll. They not only sleep together, they eat together, she never complains, and he wants to be buried with her.
Need I say more?
Oh yeah. You know you wanna do some...
Tacky Living. The crafts section is the best, and I about died laughing at the make your own miniature abandoned car garden!
Fair warning
This will make you cry. I don't even know why I'm linking it, really.
June 24, 2003
You have to see this to believe it.
(Windows Media) "Sandy" from Grease does "You're The One That I Want" with her dog. That is THE most well-trained pet I've seen, EVER.
More on how to eat your own shoes
More on Tucker Carlson's eating habits:
* He refuses to eat his own shoes. Others shall be procured. I suspect he shall cheat and ahem, get a size smaller than his 12 1/2 boats.
* A restaurant has offered to cook said shoes in a sauce.
* He's already had to eat dead frog in brine when he lost a bet in high school. You'd think he'd have learned from this experience, but nope.
Will the ad whoring EVER STOP?
Chicago Bears decline to sell name of stadium like everyone else, sell off team name instead. Sorta.
There's nothing quite like...
being threatened with antlers.
Pooh. I don't like diamonds, dammit.
You're a Diamond. You seem like a cold and an
unreachable person outside, yet you are
beautiful inside and outside. You may be
stubborn at times. You act with grace and
elegance and you are a precious asset to all
your friends.
What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
June 23, 2003
Cartoonage
"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"
Another Harry Potter review.
I really like what the second entry here says. Yes, this has been censored for spoilers.
"The first challenge Rowling faces in each Harry book is to make him a lonely underdog all over again. I mean, at this point he's the headmaster's pet, a superstar among his own kind, an innately talented wizard, the savior of the universe, and a decent kid to boot.
Yet in Order of the Phoenix he starts from a whopping disadvantage."
By now, the sneers of Draco and daddy Lucius Malfoy should have no effect on us whatsoever: These guys have never won. Ever. And yet they still make our blood boil. On every page, Rowling knows just how to tap into our insecurities and our sense of enraged entitlement. Every slight based on our race, religion, or economic status, every crime for which we've ever been falsely accused … You get a sense that the author has many chips on her shoulder—even today, when she's universally beloved and richer than Queen Elizabeth."
Dog noses.
Lots of Japanese dog noses. Posted for the benefit of my fellow poster, who drools over puppies and the like.
Nothing says love like...
getting married in jail when you don't have to.
I can't really explain this.
It seems to be some sort of strange advertising thing. And yet, quite bizarre.
America's Craziest Imports
As Dave Barry pointed out, why do we need cow crap and pee exported to the US?
Couldn't most of us come up with something like this for our town?
The Virtual Suck Tour of Arlington, Mass. Actually, I think I'd manage to come up with less for my olde hometown than this dude did. Also features the town's bizarre bylaws that don't allow things like fast food. Oh, please, even Solvang has a Subway.
The police reports are a hoot. What's especially bad is that people will apparently call the police for ANY LITTLE THING. Such as a man standing near a backhoe, two men in turbans were seen walking down a trail, (interestingly enough, there also seems to be a lot of butt groping on this trail) a girl sitting on the sidewalk, an unknown man on the front porch that turned out to be her son, a UPS guy tried to make a delivery, and then there's this one. "Step 1. Call Police. Step 2. Wait for law upholder to arrive at your door. Step 3. Call police again because you are suspicious of the one at your door. Step 4. Become infamous on a web site for your own blistering stupidity." There's also the restaurant that called the police to complain about a tip that wasn't big enough for their standards.
And there's also a wee bit of juvenile behavior. "Don't be a crybaby. When someone tries to cast a voodoo spell on you, you just cast one back."
"He was angry about not getting cake, so he threw a tantrum and hit a jug of milk. Isn't that what toodlers do?"
Negativity trumps everything.
This confirms what I've always known, I guess. And to think that people always ask me why I'm so negative all the time.
"Why do insults once hurled at us stick inside our skull, sometimes for decades? Why do some people have to work extra hard to ward off depression?
The answer is, for the same reason political smear campaigns outpull positive ones. Nastiness just makes a bigger impact on our brains.
And that is due to the brain's "negativity bias": Your brain is simply built with a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. The bias is so automatic that it can be detected at the earliest stage of the brain's information processing.
The brain, Cacioppo demonstrated, reacts more strongly to stimuli it deems negative. There is a greater surge in electrical activity. Thus, our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than good news.
Our capacity to weigh negative input so heavily most likely evolved for a good reason--to keep us out of harm's way. From the dawn of human history, our very survival depended on our skill at dodging danger. The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and thus, hopefully, respond to it.
All well and good. Having the built-in brain apparatus supersensitive to negativity means that the same bad-news bias also is at work in every sphere of our lives at all times.
Occasional big positive experiences--say, a birthday bash--are nice. But they don't make the necessary impact on our brain to override the tilt to negativity. It takes frequent small positive experiences to tip the scales toward happiness."
Yet another example of why one shouldn't shoot their mouth off on television.
Once upon a time, Tucker "Another Commentator With A Dorky Bowtie" Carlson claimed he'd eat his shoes and tie if Hillary's book sold a million copies. Guess what he's gonna have to do.
"I'm going to contest the results and demand recounts, but ultimately I'm going to give in and do the right thing." Carlson says he plans to consult fetish Web sites in search of edible footwear, but draws the line at munching his tie: "There's only so much humiliation one man can take."
I love that we're getting an admission that a public figure is gonna look at fetish sites...but man, he SHOULD have to eat his tie on the air. Because he said so, dammit. It can be a fetish tie...or a bolo tie...but dammit, he should have to eat a tie!
The end of spam?
This article claims that spam is so deleted and ignored that it'll go extinct within a few years. I don't know whether or not to believe such a thing.
Aw man, I didn't come out as Lloyd.
You are Holiday "Holly" Golightly from
"Breakfast at Tiffany's". You are
flighty and do not wish to belong to any one
person or place. You are running away from
something, so you may not notice when true love
is right in front of you.
Which confused young romantic from a film are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Those Wacky Japanese, #69:
Japanese jailbird girls have a hard time being at their sexual peak while in prison. You can't make this shit up.
Your Clueless name!
My Clueless name would be Amber Redford.
Just to be supremely evil because he hates Clueless, I put my fellow poster's name in, and he would be Gavin Balthazar Downey. Heh.
Why the Harry Potter phenomenon is a good thing.
Montykins rocks. "And what I don't get is why that's supposed to be bad. I went out to get the new Harry Potter book at 10:15 am on the day it came out. You're telling me it's somehow bad to see bookstore parking lots full on a Saturday morning? While down the street, no one's in line to see Hulk? That's good news, isn't it? And I couldn't even buy a copy! The only ones for sale were reserved, so I had to go to another bookstore, and then finally to Target. How can that be a bad sign? It may be only one weekend a year, but books were the big thing this weekend. Most of the people I know were reading the same book, which means I can talk books with pretty much everyone I meet. I view this as a reason to be optimistic, not to shake my fist at the book cartels."
Even though I was rather frustrated reading the book specifically because I didn't have anyone to discuss it with yet (I read fast), thank gawd I can at least get online and find some folks who have finished to yap about it with.
Virtual Drug Dealer
I am so playing this when I get home.
Yet another one of those "why everyone in America is fat" stories.
Reason #451292: it's too much of a PITA to get out of your seat at the ballgame and wait in line at a concession stand. So you can now call in an order via your cell.
This reminds me of the other day when we were having a enormous luncheon at work, and I actually suggested to someone that what we really needed was some kind of double-decker paper plate invention that allowed us to load up one plate and then somehow stack another on top of it so we could load up another without having to leave the line to put one down. Good lord, what was I thinking?
Well, doesn't that defeat the purpose of things.
There will be no marketing of Paxil for teens because if you're under 18, it may cause you to er, get suicidal instead of the opposite. Yeeeeesh.
Amusing Hulk commentary
"I think the movie does try too hard to make the whole thing plausible, its like, hey, how can we cram a lot of real science into this plot so that viewers will believe that a man really could turn back and forth into a 1500 pound goliath and somehow retain the same pair of pants.
Excuse me, but why are we so spoiled that we expect special effects of a Hulk to be completely realistic? In MY day, buster, we were HAPPY with the special effects we saw even if it meant that King Kong was quite obviously a 13-inch rubber toy imposed on a model of the Empire State Building. WE DIDNT COMPLAIN.
as for the pants, i just think if you get 10 times larger you're going to have stretching in the waist that will make it REALLY hard to keep them things from drooping and causing embarrassing situations."
The Hulk's journal. " Hulk turns green because of exposure to gamma rays and the physiological effect the transformative process has on his individual biomatter. When gamma rays hit khaki, they make the cloth turn purple. Why is that? Well, Hulk is not a big-brained smarty pants like puny Banner or Reed Richards, so Hulk chalk it up to one of life's mysteries. Hulk also chalked up Orrin Hatch's musical career as one of those, too."
Alternate Hulks, shaped by forces other than radiation. I particularly like the SpamHulk, though really, shouldn't he be shaped like a giant penis, since about 90% of my spam is all about my nonexistent one anyway? (rest of it is 80% hot-chicks-want-to-talk-to-YU, 1% printer cartridges, and 1% I-don't-wanna-know.)
June 22, 2003
Heh. The Sunnydals Socks are funny once again.
So, off in Cleveland, Willow (who now wishes she'd gone to Hogwarts instead of SHS) has figured out how to get Xander a new eyeball. Giles isn't thinking that this is a good idea, somehow.
"I collected a number of spellbooks with relevant titles -- such as Why Not To Attempt Complicated Spells, Regrowing Eyeballs, Hellmouths, and You, and Willlow, Don't You Dare Do This Without Talking To Me First (I admit that was not that book's original title) -- and arranged them neatly in Willow's room. I do hope she takes the hint. Otherwise, I would have to try to, well, argue with her.
Oddly enough, while I was in there, I found a package of markers that looked very much like the ones I purchased last month. The red one had been magically drained of ink.
My computer has continued to beep at me. Prompted by a comment from someone earlier, I attempted to decipher the pattern of beeping. However, my attempts at fitting them into Morse code only resulted in the asinine message: 'ALL YOUR BASE BELONG TO US.' That sort of grammar could make one weep.
I have embarked on attempting to find a job as well, but I am afraid that without the Council of Watchers around to inform employers that the fact I have no training as a librarian makes me ideally suited to be one my chances for employment may be limited."
Amusingly enough, Hank has finally remembered that he has children, and then posted on Giles's entry that he uh, suspects something funny and would like Mr. Giles to "explain his intentions." Oh man.
This is a "mental illness?"
Isn't this just uh, how life goes?
Oh, the plight of the broke teen mom.
She can't even afford a babysitter to take her infant while she robs houses. Of course, how you'd explain that to a sitter either, I don't know. "Uh, sorry, you can't contact me while I'm out. No, really, you can't. Not even if the baby pukes. I can't take calls."
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah
This blonde Ph.D student is studying the mythos of blondeness in our culture. I'd be interested in reading it, even though I was a natural blonde a loooong time ago.
The naughty guppy.
They sleep around, they rape, they're creepy and they're kooky... now I know why when my roommate and I bought guppies, the pet store only sold male ones.
June 20, 2003
Harry Potter SPOILERS!!!!
Okay, not really, but a funny dug up by matt, who I think is getting tired of the no-spoiler thing.
"Forced to reduce class sizes, adminstrators at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry drop the 'Defence Against the Dark Arts' course for students in the first four years and simply hand out government surplus flyers titled 'Duck and Cover.'
Harry, now 15, begins to break out with acne and talk in a squeaky voice, obviously the results of a sinister spell from the despicable Lord Voldemort. He also becomes sullen and depressed, skipping meals and baths to stay in his chamber and play video games for weeks while listening to 'White Stripes' CDs over and over. Ron and Hermione search in vain for the counterspell.
An innovative method of 'cliffhanger page locking' prevents readers from accessing any chapters after the third one unless they use a credit card to immediately pay a nominal fee, to be repeated every few chapters right at the exciting bits.
Hagrid delightedly shows off his new beast, the incredibly rare holeintheplotasaurus, which seems to be making a comeback in a big way.
In a surprise twist ending Harry is revealed to be a super-powered mutant living in a virtual computer program, trying to find an animated fish that possesses the powers of God while avoiding a cybernetic killer from the future, with the help of extraordinary gamma-irradiated gentlemen pirates of the Caribbean. In space."
Oh yeah, she's cool.
For those who miss GoingBridal (sniff), Bridezilla has excellent wedding frustration snarkitude, not to mention funny links in the archives.
We Hate Weddings looks like it could be amusing....
Another early Harry Potter review
Here. Yeah, spoilery. Sounds ominous and intriguing.
The horror! The horror!
Laci Peterson tribute songs. Oh my word, these are bad. I understand the wanting to do a tribute, but man, OUCH. Ouch ouch ouch. It's like, every single bad cliche in existence has gone into these.
This guy has songs to download from Amazon.
Remembering Laci, by John Strand: Sounds like he's kinda hoarse. Features lines like "her smile would make you smile", "angels hold her gently and little Connor's with her too", "start to heaven's door" , "the tears that fell made flowers bloom on earth and heaven too, and little Connor runs and picks them- mamma, these for you!" , and "look! the Laci Connor star!"
We Remember Laci, by Tony Handy: Not a great singer either. Features lines like "she showed us how to love every child" , "she knew when she was carrying and she knew someday she'd be gone, gone, straight to heaven, where princess angels live on!" , "like a star high in the sky-i-i, her light will forever shine through" , "and we knew where she was headed, and we knew someday she'd be gone, gone gone!" The gone's are especially horrendous (she knew she'd be killed by her husband, we all knew she'd be killed by her husband? what are you implying here?), especially given the enthusiasm with which they are sung *shudder*
These two guys apparently like to write tribute songs.
Laci's Song, written by Jim & Amy Maris, sung by Casey Paterson: For some reason the entire thing wasn't put on here. Incidentally, Jim Maris actually met Laci- delivering her Old Navy packages.
I want to hear the latter song this guy wrote, though. "Jerry Allard of Modesto, for example, wrote two blues songs, one in memory of Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, that includes the lyrics "Everyday we'll sing the blues for you." The other rails on Scott Peterson, but Allard said, "I don't want to blast him (publicly). He's not been convicted."
Great short story work.
Perhaps the best 55-word fiction I've seen in awhile.
Huh, I hadn't heard this one before.
Microsoft also did a little advertising-via-the-homeless.
Ye gods.
The Kansas state attorney general thinks that any girl under 16 that has sex is being abused. Period. Even more pleasant than that, he's forcing all doctors under threat of fines, jail time, etc., that offer treatment to pregnant girls under 16 to report them to authorities. I find it kinda suspicious that this was at first ONLY limited to abortion providing doctors.
As greta put it in post #2 here, "So if a teenaged girl gets pregnant, she can't see a doctor without fear of being reported to the proper authorities, and possibly seeing the father of her child prosecuted for child abuse. Sounds like Kansas is getting set for a new wave of infants being left in dumpsters and girls giving birth at prom."
I can't argue that. And it scares me.
Someone should give...
this woman an award. I am impressed.
Oh yeah, that was tacky.
Did you have to say this at a kindergarten graduation?!?
"He asked the kids to stand up, and he told us to take a good look at these kids because a third of them will not graduate from high school or make it to high school because they will be too busy drugging, drinking or getting pregnant." Nobody wants to think about their kindergartners smoking crack and knocking each other up, and they really don't want that mentioned IN FRONT OF SAID KINDERGARTNERS. Yeesh.
Early review of Harry Potter.
They like it. Spoiler commentary below...
Oddly enough, a Canadian newspaper isn't allowed to publish theirs early, despite "renting" a woman's copy for $1,500 *choke* What a waste of money, eh?
Okay, so I was apparently wrong about the Dumbledore death in my last post below. Phew. I always like him.
This is intriguing: "There are the magical winged horses that can be seen only by those who have seen death firsthand. And there's a strange, pop-eyed female student on the traditional autumn train trip to Hogwarts who proves to be far deeper, braver and more perceptive than anyone thinks." The last bit sounds intriguing...
Ooops.
Shouldn't have said that, Kelly, because now Kathie Lee'll wanna go medieval on your ass.
Harry Potter spoilers in JK Rowling interview.
Here. (Spoiler commentary below.) She also really isn't too fond of all the HP merch out there, but it could have been worse:
"if I could have stopped all merchandising I would have done. And twice a year I sit down with Warner Brothers and we have conversations about merchandising and I can only say you should have seen some of the stuff that was stopped: Moaning Myrtle lavatory seat alarms and worse.
I started talking to Warner Brothers, and at that point I just didn't have the power to stop them. That is the nature of the film world. Because they are very expensive films to make, and if they keep making them which is obviously not guaranteed, but if they do keep making them, they are going to get really even more expensive, and I mean I shudder to see what they say when they see Book Five."
This is the bit I particularly took note of, with regards to no "unlikely" couplings in HP:
"I don't really want to say as it will ruin all the fan sites. They have such fun with their theories ... and it is fun, it is fun. And some of them even get quite close. No-one has ever - I have gone and looked at some of it and no-one's ever ... There is one thing that if anyone guessed I would be really annoyed as it is kind of the heart of it all. And it kind of explains everything and no-one's quite got there but a couple of people have skirted it. So you know, I would be pretty miffed after thirteen or fourteen years of writing the books if someone just came along and said I think this will happen in book seven. Because it is too late, I couldn't divert now, everything has been building up to it, and I've laid all my clues."
Makes me wonder what the heck it is...not to mention that uh, I hope this is a hint that Harry doesn't end up with Ginny Weasley. I'm sorry, but man, she's been too worshipful so far, and I'd like to see Harry with someone who could take the piss out of him if she had to. Rather like Hermione, but no, I don't want them to hook up. (Obvious she and Ron are gonna have some kind of David-Maddie thing anyway.)
Also nice to hear that she won't leave loose ends at the end of book 7.
"You are writing children's books, you need to be a ruthless killer." Ouch.
Speaking of ruthless killers...Gael has done odds on who's going to die. While I think her top two choices are good, I have to disagree with her choice for the death- I've been convinced it's Dumbledore for quite awhile now. While Hagrid's death would be touching, sure, why kill him? Dumbledore is just plain a better choice to kill off. He's the one guy Voldemort fears, he's Harry's strongest protector, and if Harry's going to have to face off against Voldemort alone in the future (as I think he will have to), he's gonna have to face him without major backup like Dumbledore would provide. If Dumbledore doesn't bite it in this book he'll certainly have to in one of the next two books, but I think it will be this one. Really, Order of the Phoenix? Big fat hint there at Dumbledore. I think the Order is something Dumbledore cooked up to fight against Voldemort (and has members such as the Potters, Lupin, etc.), and it'll be all the more touching for them to have to carry on without him, eh?
Oh well, I'll be finding out tomorrow, eh?
Okay...
Pagan band requires a "fornicatorium" to perform. While this doesn't exactly surprise me, per se, I am surprised that they have an actual word for that.
Those wacky Japanese like to do it outside...
they can't afford to have sex indoors much. However, they've got plenty of footage to make some money and to add to the latest Lovers Caught On Tape, eh?
Yeah, sure, he's cute, but...
I somehow doubt hunky Prince William is going to be allowed to marry an American. Don't get your hopes up, girls.
June 19, 2003
Huh.
You are the playful pin-up! Do you know how to be
serious?
What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
What to do with your bag of Pamie's hair
I think I'm glad all my hair got thrown out when it was cut off. Pamie, on the other hand, auctioned hers on eBay. Because she's a girl, and girls are weird.
"If you make a Pam puppet and sew the hair into the top, be sure you make a sock puppet companion (using a very long tube sock) to illustrate me, and a finger puppet to look like AB. And then put all the puppets into a drawer and never mention them again."
By god, it's a sports-free-ish period of time!
"Hockey and basketball are done; the Triple Crown, Indy 500 and the Open are past. Now comes the deadest, dullest six weeks in the annual sports calendar -- nothing but baseball until August, when the NFL resumes. The next six weeks are sufficiently barren for sports fans that many will actually be excited when NFL preseason games start -- even knowing that NFL preseason games are awful." In other words, go find something else to do! Heh.
Once upon a time, it was a thing we made fun of on Designing Women.
Now it's a hot women's trend. Talk about tacky-ASS.
Okay, if you're trying to avoid VPL on your butt cheeks, is it really any better to be flashing VT across the top of them either?
Now that's a cool country!
Have sex on the palace steps or parliament lawn! We don't care! We encourage it!
I wanna go to this school SO BAD.
Too bad I suck at math, or I could have done this.
Celebrate Beaver Day!
Otherwise known as, "We Give Up, You Win" Day.
"From schoolchildren to elected leaders, the sharpest minds in this town of 2,800 have failed to find a way to stop the flooding and the clogged pipes caused by the beavers' single-minded upkeep of their dams and ponds.
So, gracious in defeat, the town celebrates the creatures' perseverance. It plans to hold its first-ever Beaver Day on Saturday.
The resolution designates the beaver the town's official animal and gives the mayor the authority to proclaim an annual Knowlton Township Beaver Day, "at which time the deputy mayor shall dress in the likeness of a beaver during all official functions."
The inaugural Beaver Day falls the same day as the deputy mayor's wedding. Van Horn, who will perform the ceremony, waived the costume requirement this year." (Damn. I wanna see someone get married in a beaver suit.)
"Beaver Day was timed for the longest day of the year to give the oversized rodents as much time as possible to enjoy themselves.
"But now we found out they're nocturnal," the mayor says with a sigh. He may schedule future Beaver Days accordingly." (Ah, the irony. Though you'd think they might have figured this out after all these years, eh?)
All right!
Paul the Butler's getting a gig on One Life To Live!