July 16, 2003
Houston, we have a problem.
Well, things are rather sucky in Sweet Disorder land. I'm about out of webspace with all my posting-whoreness. Adding to the fun, I needed to buy a laptop this month and don't exactly have the fundage to upgrade immediately right now.
I am in discussions to uh, come up with something to do to alleviate the problem that doesn't involve spending more money, but so far it's looking like it's going to be a royal fucking pain to work on for awhile. In the meantime, I don't dare go around adding 20 links a day the way I usually do, you know?
So anyway, I've got this here beta test blog, and I am supposed to be testing it, right? (Plus, right now it's all free.) Go check that for new links for awhile until I let you know otherwise, okay?
July 15, 2003
Take my router!
Please! Because I'm too dumb to figure out what to buy when someone tells me to look for something.
Ah, the good old days
Garrison Keillor writes about the Mr. Blue days. I've never been a fan of his (I just don't relate to the Prairie Home thing- I am a Californian), but I did like his Mr. Blue columns.
Though I have to admit that this article is...strange.
Have I found a theme song for this website?
The Nut Lady sings "March of the Nuts."
http://www.phlatt.com/home/roadsideamerica/audio/CTOLDMarch11.aif
Gah, hypocritness
"Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, a Democratic candidate for president, said during an interview at The Post last week that he favors civil unions for gays but not marriage. "Marriage is an institution between men and women for the purpose of having children and procreating," he said, though he himself is in a second marriage, to a woman in a second marriage, that appears unconnected to such purpose.
A-HEM.
If this was the case, we'd be forbidding anyone who's infertile to wed.
Love, exciting and new...not
The poor schmuck on Boy Meets Boy isn't happy about them having straight ringers in the show. Big surprise. Even sadder, one of the gay contestants fell for one of the straight ones.
You'll never think of Love Boat in the same way again
"Wench? Is there someone in the background there yelling 'poo'?"
"Yeah Bob, my husband. You know. The Ph.D."
Everything goes better with...
Warning: Most of the archives just have little song snippets, and a lot of them were nothing but static to me. That could just be my connection, though.
Geeking out on childhood memories
Woo! The return of the Commodore!
You'd think Biblical figures might be above this sort of thing.
Everyone's playing Survivor/Big Brother knockoffs these days.
Have I blogged this before?
First you get this, then you get this.
The modern-day pig latin.
How to speak l33t. I'd always wondered. Or if it's just too damn much work to write that bad, get it translated.
More dolls
These are very creative costumes. These are beautiful too. Aww, cute! Oh wow.
These are cute too.
I haven't gotten to check this or this in detail yet, but it all looks fun.
Well, I WON'T be a monkey's uncle.
Apparently, this isn't a joke. Or so Amy says: "I had to check three times for signs this anti-evolutionary Web site wasn't a parody, because it’s just too hilarious to be real." Oy fucking vey, this is FRIGHTENING. Scientists will cry. I still hope it's not real anyway.
"Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.
Honorable Mention: "Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker."
You KNOW that last one is making me vomit compulsively.
My old design teacher woulda loved this.
Couple plans a wedding at the dump. Oh, excuse me, "transfer station."
July 14, 2003
Mostly repetitive Angel spoilage
Mostly repetitive stuff, with a bit more clarification.
I updated...
the booklog, if you're really bored. Quite a lot, actually.
Graduation advice from...
Will Ferrell at Harvard is now transcripted online:
"You're about to enter into a world filled with hypocrisy and doublespeak, a world in which your limo to the airport is often a half-hour late. In addition to not even being a limo at all; often times it's a Lincoln Towncar. You're about to enter a world where you ask your new assistant, Jamie, to bring you a tall, non-fat latte. And he comes back with a short soy cappuccino. Guess what, Jamie? You're fired. Not too hard to get right, my friend.
I'm sorry, graduates. But this is a world where you aren't allowed to use your cell phone in airplanes, during live theater, at the movies, at funerals, or even during your own elective surgery.
As I stare out into this vast sea of shining faces, I see the best and brightest. Some of you will be captains of industry and business. Others of you will go on to great careers in medicine, law and public service. Four of you -- and I'm not at liberty to say which four -- will go on to magnificent careers in the porno industry. I'm not trying to be funny. That's just a statistical fact."
Perhaps he took things a bit too far.
"We have learned that the obituary for Erik Humphrey Gordon '95, which appeared in the July-August '01 issue, was based on false information provided by the subject himself in an effort to get off Harvard's mailing list. Mr. Gordon is alive and well in New York City. We apologize for the error. See this for Mr. Gordon's side of the the story."
Because you're already bored with your traditional Google games.
This site will do a search for you and throw in some randomness from another category. Or something. I don't exactly know, really.
Screw giving it to charity...
this is what you should do with your mobile phone.
Sounds like a Monty Python skit, somehow.
Cops should watch out...
if they're wearing their uniforms to a fast-food joint. They might uh, get a "special" meal. Oy.
The squirm factor
So I found this article on The Tavis Smiley Show, and came across this bit:
"Recently a listener in South Carolina called me to complain about the program. He asked that I not use his name. We spoke openly of the feelings some people have who are not African American -- when they hear a public radio program that they think is designed to exclude them.
The program is something new -- even radically new -- for many public radio listeners. The program's producers shouldn't underestimate that there is a "squirm factor" for many listeners.
The Tavis Smiley Show may be targeted to African Americans, but it doesn't exclude anyone who is interested in the lives and the perceptions of black people."
I've listened to the TS show from time to time, and as a well, non-African American, didn't feel excluded. It struck me as a very accessible to everyone show, it just happens to have a more specific focus than er, non-minorities may be used to. The general standard is to be "generic" in focus, but given the current situation "generic" often translates into "white focus" to some degree. I suppose it's only fair to flip the squirm factor onto those who don't normally have it.
I have to admit that I have felt "squirm factor" occasionally, but more with certain literature by certain authors. When someone not-of-that-race picks up the book and a few pages into it reads a paragraph going off about how all people of that race are nasty, well... uh, yeah, obviously that wasn't meant for me, l'll be going now.
The job of a lifetime...and he passed it up.
This is rather heart-wrenching for the journalism folks. "My friend Scott Dickensheets, well known in local journalism circles, currently as managing editor of Las Vegas Weekly, recently was offered the chance of a lifetime. He didn't take it. The story behind that decision is, to me at least, fascinating." To summarize it, Scott got his dream job in New York, but his family couldn't move and he couldn't afford it. Poor dude. "Scott fears he'll never get another chance like this. I think he's wrong." I certainly hope he's wrong, but who knows. *crosses fingers*
The joys of stupidity.
Oh man. I wish I could join this:
"In 1976, a journalist named Stephen Pile founded the Not Terribly Good Club of Great Britain. The admission requirement: incompetence.
Meetings consisted of individual demonstrations driving home the point: displays of ineptitude at small talk and batik. At the club's kickoff event - a meal at a hand-picked, third-rate restaurant - Pile made the mistake of catching a soup tureen midfall. For this blatant display of adroitness, he was demoted instantly.
Pile went on to write The Incomplete Book of Failures about the club and the trait it sought to honor. A catalog of notable imbecility, including "the worst tourist" (a man who spent two days in New York believing he was in Rome), and the "slowest solution of a crossword" (34 years), the book also featured a membership application form for the Not Terribly Good Club.
The club's numbers swelled. After the book appeared in 1979, complete with a two-page erratum slip, the organization received 20,000 applications in two months. An incontestable success, the club was in violation of its commitment to failure and, under the terms of its own bylaws, had to disband."
Hunting for Bambi's...no, not the ones with antlers, either.
This is disturbing. Okay, so it's par for the course for Vegas, but still, a big squickin' ugh. "I got the one with the biggest rack.," UGH. I think I'd rather pass on the $1,000 and the sunburn on the ass.
Quick, where's my origami paper stash?
Origami penises. Including models with condoms and wings!
LORD oh lord oh lord
Jenna from Survivor and other reality TV bimbos to star in "Pieces of Ass." Yes, really. There's even piecesofass.com, which I am so not checking while at work, yo.
Temper, temper
I haven't watched this, but apparently someone on Big Brother 4 got kicked out for throwing chairs around. He also broke down and confessed to having an STD on camera...man. Ouch.
It's even more of a PITA to get published than ever, just for a different reason.
Another way to amuse yourself during the summer.
While Dave Barry's on vacation, he proposes that people do this at the great ripoff site, poetry.com:
"So anyway, this blog was just thinking how interesting it would be if a whole bunch of people submitted poems that contained a certain key poetic phrase. To see how it might work, this blog submitted a poem under the pen name of "Freemont A. Harkins," entitled: "A Sad Day." Here's how it goes:
A Sad Day
i am sad, so very sad
the tears run down my nose
it was a happy day until
the dog ate mother's toes
You can see this poem at www.poetry.com, using the search engine to search for "Freemont Harkins." Wouldn't it be fun if a lot of people submitted poems using a Pen Name that began with "Freemont" and incorporating the phrase, "the dog ate mother's toes"? Then we all could search for poems written under the first name of "Freemont" -- currently, this blog is the only one -- and see how creative everybody was!"
Should you indeed do a search on Freemont, you will now come up with a veritable shitload of toe-eating poems. The one I did is just horrendous, and rips off "Dead Puppies" to boot.
Ewwww.
Dead puppies aren't much fun.
Especially when they choked to death.
The dog ate mother's toes
he barfed them up in the hall
brother put them in the stew
after mother's time was through.
Yuck!
I put an old e-mail and address on the entry, heh. I've been solicited enough for my genius from this place already :P
Sooner or later, does everyone fall into the LJ pit?
An article about the creator of LiveJournal.
Yes, I've fallen into the pit myself of late. Eek.
How many funny ways can you sing "Hallelujah?"
This guy seems to want to find out how the cartoons would do it. Just kinda bizarre. "Cowabungalujah?" Now really!
http://aprilwinchell.com/multimedia/media/mp3/ChrisRiceCartoonSong.mp3
You can never claim that your willy is too big to use a condom again.
The Empress's new dress
Just think, you could spend a shitload of money on this and yet go naked.
It makes me wonder when I come across...
this just as I start reading The Song Reader.
July 12, 2003
Ohhhhh fuck.
Argh. So much for carless me getting out of town in a few months. FUCK.
Winner for the week's Most Pathetic Celebrity Admission Award
The most disgusting revelation I've read perhaps ever. When you're so into coke that you'll snort it up with fleas OFF THE DOG.
July 11, 2003
I'm not sure what to make of this.
Really funky new ways to treat depression.
As one might have figured...
bored teenagers created those crop circles.
Down in the Boondocks...
they're working on film opportunities.
So much for the valadictorian
Harvard boots Blair Hornstine for plagiarism.
It's kinda like the Clapper
Turn on your computer by laughing.
I always make jokes about that kind of thing, but...
who knew a job placement center might actually send you to be a hooker?
Drat, and I so wanted to see the reactions to this.
So much for Di Another Day and mutant Princess Diana after all. Big surprise, I guess.
Now that's just SAD.
Course, in America, this would equate to Fundraiser Time!
Double your shopping opportunities
Firefly and Buffy Season 5 to come out in December on DVD. Damn, now can I talk my mom into getting me both for the holiday?
Flying, eating, and watching in space
This dude is a NASA science officer and is writing letters from space.
Bleah.
Why jackasses like Michael Savage will always be popular.
"The problem, ultimately, with figures like Savage isn't that they encourage listeners to hate one or another constituency. It's that they use myths, exaggerations, unrepresentative anecdotes, and tortured logic to stake out extreme political and cultural positions; encourage listeners to identify, as a "community" of their own, with this fantasy club; and then encourage the audience to hate anyone who's not a member of the club.
This is how a figure like Limbaugh or Hannity, at the very center of power of a political party that now controls the White House, both houses of Congress, and a majority of governorships and state legislatures, can still posture either as an outsider or a triumphant bully as needed. Savage, by pushing the envelope, encourages the outsider tendencies even though he himself is wealthy, powerful, and an industry unto himself.
This media phenomenon has been essential in allowing the Bush Administration to set new standards in telling bald-faced lies, confident of its ability to have them endlessly repeated and their critics insulted into silence or insignificance. It also ensures that any genuine public policy debate on any topic can be drowned out in the familiar language of screamed insults followed immediately by a commercial break.
Michael Savage has a loyal audience that is his as long as he wants it, or until he becomes eclipsed by the next hate radio phenom who pushes the envelope still farther. The format itself isn't going away until the audience gets bored or dies off – neither of which is likely."
Oh, how I wish I could go to the actual store.
Archie McPhee commercials. My favorites are the duckie and gnome ones. This will surprise no one, really.
Okay, how did they calculate THESE results?
"Thanks for taking the Nerd test!
Your score is: Your rating is:
479 102.57%
Additional Scoring Information:
Sorry, you lost 25 points because you are using
a Windows machine."
Heh, true that, but...over 100% nerd? Moi? I don't even do math!
She knows everything, and she's lurking over your shoulder.
Get your own librarian action figure! With special Shhhing motion!
Testing, testing
In Canada you have to answer some skill question before being able to enter a contest. Huh.
Woo!
Score for me!
"Buffalo Bill asked me to tell you that he already knows about this and he's working on a way to mount a production from his very own well."
Oh, and Pamie and Stee are in a movie. Too bad it's not in my neck of the woods, it sounds funny. "Harold Buttleman, small town tuxedo salesman, thinks he’s the next great daredevil stuntman. He jumps out of trees, rolls down hills in tractor tires, and rides over homemade ramps – not for the sport of it, but for fame, fortune, glory and honor. Always on hand to film his adventures is Harold’s best friend and cameraman, Doug. Together they plot to take the stunt world and Hollywood by storm.
Harold is on the brink of TV stardom (a 3 a.m. spot on late night cable access). His friends are rallying around him, but the life of a daredevil stuntman is harder than it looks. His parents, a reverend and his socialite wife, want him to move out of their basement. His girlfriend Wendy wants him to get married and start a career selling bathtub parts for her dad’s company. And the rest of the town hasn’t yet acknowledged this new American Hero."
Oooooh, they're SOOOOO CUUUUUUUTE!
Mommy, I want a horse like this!
I also want a cabbit, but they seem rare to find...
3WA animal fans, take note:
There is a Kittenfilter. For cat and other animal news.
Someone tell this to employers, please?
The Case For Playing Games While At Work:
"Workers in any kind of job need breaks in order to clear their minds, reflect on complex issues, or experience a temporary respite from incessant stress. Several independent studies have confirmed that intermittent recreation enhances rather than detracts from worker ability to return and focus on the task at hand.
I would argue that there's at least an equal chance that each minute of gameplay would instead be spent snoozing, daydreaming, overconsuming food and beverages, or sitting like a mindless slug waiting for time to pass. Even worse, people could use work or leisure time to plan or execute nefarious schemes of all sorts; we know, after all, that "idle hands do the devil's work." Humans are, in the final analysis, not machines, and the admired imaginary hero who works all day from dawn to dusk without the slightest interruption or distraction simply doesn't exist.
Compared to other forms of recreational activity that could be enjoyed during work breaks, computer gaming has the greatest chance to hone skills useful for productivity in the workplace. You learn to analyze multifaceted situations quickly and draw conclusions about possible solutions. You also have to figure out on your own what to do when you get stuck and how to extricate yourself from undesirable situations. Additionally, you learn to not throw in the sponge at the first obstacle you encounter. In these respects, electronic entertainment may teach you a lot more than all the so-called productivity-enhancing motivational speeches and "how to succeed" handbooks you could ever utilize.
There's huge variation in individual productivity both within and across jobs. Some people can put in very little tangible effort, yet end up producing a tremendous amount of quality output, while others work their tails off all day and produce very little. For this second group, computer gaming poses the greatest threat to continued productivity. Nonetheless, even those of this second type need recreational breaks to keep their productivity as high as it could be. In some ways, those who're slower at work might need the incentive of electronic entertainment more to keep from feeling bored or incompetent."
I especially agree with the top few paragraphs. For those who wonder if I actually do do work all day, I do. However, I do a lot of repetitive and boring stuff without much variation, and lord, does this get dull. I've found that intermittent webpage surfing (I read fast) helps me to stay focused on the same old, same old.
Too bad no employer will ever agree with this, right?
Ride this!
Posters for Disney's next movies. And plot synopses for others.
"Space Mountain; Release date: Summer 2004
Amateur astronomer Bill "Cutty" Cuthbert (Billy Bob Thornton) has made a terrifying discovery: the Earth isn't inside a vast, empty vacuum at all, as previously believed. Instead, all of space, including the Earth, is contained within an enormous, hollow mountain. What's worse, this unimaginably large mountain is on the verge of a geological incident of cataclysmic proportions -- an avalanche that will happen inside the mountain, or, as Cutty explains it, a massive, space "invalanche." And in an invalanche, the "boulders" will be planets -- tumbling straight for Earth! Enter champion Aussie rock climber Piton Grabbers (Hugh Jackson), who reluctantly agrees to head up a crew of the world's most extreme rock climbers (Stephen Baldwin, Jennifer Garner, Orlando Jones), along with an uptight NASA hotshot pilot (Michael Vartan), inside an enormous, drill-shaped shuttle that will blast through the tumbling rocks -- or so Cutty's theory goes! And even if this ragtag crew can get the mission ready in time, they'll still need to win the approval of skeptical U.S. President Amanda Cain (Kelly Lynch) -- who may well have an agenda all her own."
Screw the plastic crap!
Passed on by Elphaba: You can get little Sega games in your Happy Meal now. (I've been warned this site is loud) Oy vey. Man, didn't we miss out when we were kids.
Why Internet advertising sucks
This fellow goes into great detail as to why.
" In fact, I suspect nobody reading this will be able to recall a single web advert or campaign. They just don't seem to stick in the mind.
Even when I am aware that there is something flickering or moving in the corner of my field of view, I filter it out and do not remember which company or product was being advertised.
Admiring a British Gas advert on a showcase website is like reading an advertising magazine or going along to an awards ceremony. You see the work in isolation, and look at it carefully, having decided to spend the time doing so.
But when I am online, looking for information, reading the news or simply surfing around aimlessly, the ads are in the way and I block them out.
You can tell that the sites themselves know that the adverts are an irritant, because why else would they offer subscribers an ad-free version?
Part of the problem, for me at least, is that the web is still such a poor medium, in terms of speed of access, navigability, layout and quality of content, that the adverts turn a website from being barely usable into one that is just unacceptable.
My screen is small, and I do not want to waste the space displaying adverts when I have such a limited room for the material I want to read. And my connection - even a broadband one - is not so fast that I do not resent the time spend downloading images for ads.
When I eventually manage to find my way to a page that seems to have some useful information on it, then I do not want to have to deal with an overlaid ad that has to be clicked on to make it go away, or a large banner that occupies most of the screen for five seconds before shrinking, or a banner with flashing graphics and sound.
If I am watching TV or at the cinema then the appearance of the ads is well-flagged and I can anticipate them and - if I am not interested - turn away while they are on.
But on the web the ads are there, trying to grab my attention, and I resent and resist this."
Dang, my school needs to catch up.
(Check the archives later for the 7/10/03 entry) Nancy Nall points out: "The University of Michigan, like most universities these days, has a wireless LAN on campus, enabling students to chat with one another during soporific lectures, I suppose. Young Zachary, summering in Germany on some sort of semi-internship/entrepreneurship thing, attends Wake Forest and says they have the same, and what's more, every student is getting a wireless PDA this fall. (His tuition dollars at work.) He participated in the pilot program, he said, and used his for e-mail, text messaging, chat, even transmitting photos to the school newspaper at halftime at the basketball game."
Damn. I want to go to that school! They allow wireless net connections DURING CLASS! They hand out wireless PDA's! ROCK!
July 10, 2003
Whistle's got WOOOOO, Part II
The Bubb Rubb Soundboard. Make your own mix! WOOOOOOOO!!!!
"Use the force, Luke, bring me a Guinness"
Yoda goes to Ireland. Man, I'd like to see some pictures of the Irish folks seeing Yoda and co. walking around.
Well, that's creative yet scary.
He takes three of Yahoo's most e-mailed photos and makes a comic strip out of them. Odd stuff.
And to think you used to worry about...
raunchy wedding toasts. Now you gotta worry about raunchy eulogies to boot. Or the always fun stuff like this:
"Mr. Vandenbergh recalls a funeral in which eulogist after eulogist said glowing things about the man who died, leading an exasperated audience member to stand up and say, "Let's stop joking. He was a no-good S.O.B.!" The room went silent, and the priest quickly concluded the Requiem Mass."
And this week's winner for the "Hi, I'm a dumbass!" award goes to...
"A political science instructor at Santa Rosa Junior College is being investigated by the Secret Service for telling his students to compose an e- mail to an elected official that included the words "kill the president, kill the president," a school administrator said Wednesday.
Michael Ballou, a part-time lecturer who teaches an "Introduction to U.S. Government" course at the college's Petaluma campus, intended the assignment to be an "experiential exercise that would instill a sense of fear so they would have a better sense of why more people don't participate in the political process," said Doug Garrison, the vice president and executive dean of the Petaluma campus.
Most of the 30 students in the class dismissed the June 25 assignment as a joke, but after it was repeated at a subsequent class, one student did send the e-mail to U.S. Rep. Mike Thompson (D-Napa Valley) on July 5.
Leslie Danz, a spokeswoman in Thompson's Washington, D.C., office said the e-mail, which said only "kill the president, kill the president," was not opened until Monday because of the holiday weekend. It was immediately forwarded to the Capitol police service, she said. It was the first time the office has encountered such a threat, Danz said.
The student was interviewed by the Secret Service, which had begun investigating the assignment after being tipped by a classmate, Garrison said.
Making a threat against the president is against the law and subject to up to five years in prison."
You'd think a political science instructor might know about that whole prison thing. This dude is so not only getting canned, but he'll never be allowed on an airplane again. Hope you like trains, moron!
Another one of those times when I hate being my gender.
In contrast to merely being a woman who is, or has been, in an intimate relationship, policing is much safer. It is no more dangerous than any other job in which workers must deal with the public. It's no riskier than being a retail worker. Police officers are injured no more often than motel clerks or service station attendants. Occupational Health and Safety statistics, based on claims for workers' compensation, show that farmers, miners, loggers, nurses, taxi drivers, commercial fishers and construction workers are injured and killed much more often than police."
The shoe saga continues
Hillary was nice and let Tucker Carlson out of his shoe-eating pledge. Well, she brought him a "right-wing" wingtip shoe cake.
Much to my relief, though...
"Afterward, Carlson acknowledged to us that he won't get away with eating a cake shoe. He's going to chew and swallow a real shoe -- probably a loafer.
"I'm screwed," he explained."
Oh man, don't you feel sorry for this guy.
It's The Truman Show, with a competition thrown in: "In "Joe Schmo" (debuting Sept. 7 at 9 p.m. on Spike TV), producers will set up their mark, law-school dropout Matt Kennedy Gould, convincing him he's been cast on a "Big Brother"-style reality show called "Lap of Luxury."
Gould believes he's competing for $100,000. The twist is that his housemates and competitors are actually actors - manipulating him for all the laughs they can muster."
The sick thing is? I'd probably watch it.
Mutant Enemy, take note:
Top Ten Rejected Buffy Spinoffs. This is a graphic at the bottom left of the page, so I'll just put them here for ya:
1. Giles Millionaire
2. Firefly: This Time We’ve Got Vampires
3. Dog-Eat-Dawn
4. Buffy McBeal
5. 60 Minions
6. CSI: Hellmouth
7. Stake In The Fatman
8. NYPD Buffy
9. Friends...Who Suck Blood
10. Willow & Grace
Doesn't "CSI: Hellmouth" sound like all kinds of fun, though?
"Well, why don't you just get married naked?" "FINE!"
And people wonder why I never wanted to get into high fashion. I'm just too practical.
Let's hope they don't try this in America
Japanese reality TV forces virgins to lose it on TV. Too bad it's too late to send Britney over to Japan...
Disturbing and sad
This is one of the many reasons why behavior modification programs are a bad idea. Okay, so I don't know what program they went through, but it sounds a bit similar if two over-18-year-olds have to ask mommy and daddy's permission before they have sex. Now that is WHIPPED.
Just in time for me to go on vacation...
Budget crisis closes down rest stops. Ergh.
July 09, 2003
Checkmate THIS!
A billion weird-ass chess sets. I've just been clicking and clicking, there is some weird, funny shit here.
Bleah, but not a surprise.
Marriage ruins geniuses and criminals.
There's an artist in residence program...
at the dump. This actually doesn't surprise me so much ever since one of my design teachers made us go to the dump for a field trip.
How to see the country for cheap without joining the military.
Your lessons:
1. Get a job at an airline.
2. Get a computer, sign up at some dating services, make some contacts.
3. "Romantically" fly in for the day or weekend, shack up at their house, see the sights.
"But Barry is usually not looking to see if that blonde from Eureka only smokes occasionally, or if that brunette from Cedar Falls says the celebrity she most resembles is Demi Moore. The first thing Barry looks at, even before the photos, are the cities where the women live. If Mardi Gras is coming up, he'll scan down the page for the words "New Orleans." If it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and he's missing the snow, Control-F "Telluride."
Math is tough!
So once upon a time, a 16-year-old girl figures out a different way to solve the quadratic equation. Now her teacher is wondering if this is a totally original way to solve it or not, and if so, can it get published.
Some thoughts on this:
(a) I was a math MORON. I cried over math from first grade on. And yet, the only three things I could do in high school math were geometry, chemistry math, and...the quadratic equation. It can't be THAT hard if I did it.
(b) I've never heard of this "split" and "guess and check" stuff. We always just plugged into the formula.
(c) If her method is just a variant of the other stuff, it can't be original. Still cool she's a good thinker, but...
(d) There's many comments on Metafilter about how the reporter couldn't do math. I used to be a reporter. If any of us reporters could do math, we wouldn't be doing a writing job to make a living :P
Naturally, it's in Montana.
The Testicle Festival. "Welcome Hustler Magazine", 'nuff said.
Beans, beans, the musical bulletin board
Remember Al's bullitin board saga? This thread features an update:
"I am decorating it, because I actually - believe it - got a SPEECH on it this morning from one of the SECRETARIES about how the executive director was sort of upset it had not been decorated.
So, people, I have been decorating it all day. Non stop. Screw all my deadlines, I have the bulletin board to work on!
I have exploited the baked beans theme to the maximum, and there is not an inch left on the board that is not covered at least partially in glitter.
What really irks me is that no one GETS it. They just think I am really thorough with my baked beans love!
The exec. director congratulated me this afternoon on a job well done, re: the bulletin board.
I hate these people.
There are bean recipes. And glitter. And a list of famous birthdays in July that inlcludes Don Knotts, Pee Wee Reese and O.J. Simpson.
No one has even raised an eyebrow?"
Yes, there's a picture of part of it.
That's just DIRTY!
"LPG declared, "Assfucking for everyone!" Sean's response was to, for the first time, squeal and clap his hands. I know what I'm getting him for his 18th birthday."
It gets even worse!
"And then the priest began incanting about banishing satan, and the baby began to shriek in a manner so, well, unholy that if I didn't know better I'd said Matilda was giving him such a pinch. On second thought, maybe she was, to get him to screech at just that moment so LPG, Dog Faced, King, R&E, the Lad and I would all have to refrain from laughing hysterically as the child obviously objected to having Satan removed from him (Moooom! I was USING that Dark Lord!). He was shrieking so loudly I could not hear the priest by the end, and so for all I know, Satan was removed from the majority of the baby but has maintained a hold on his booty of mass destruction."
Sometimes you stumble across the funniest things when you don't expect them.
It may not look like it, but I actually do do work around here. Anyway, while working on something, I stumbled across performance evaluations for Thomas Watson and Friar John, University-style. Very amusing.
Ah, the irony.
Schick evidently didn't listen to Jewel's "Intuition" before co-opting it for their ads. Oh lord, this is ridiculous. Course, she's gone along with it, so....
This is...strange.
Tampons to have sex in. No, really. The euphemistic language translation is amusing. The Perky! Women! in the pictures are also rather funny.
"Not only the pain the menstruation causes for many women - as if that would not be enough - but also these frequently situations that give rise to an inner conflict. Activities we really like to do are waiting exactly at that time. But it is clear for many of us that on account of this "exceptional case" we cannot properly enjoy them and therefore often even immediately prefer to leave them. In short, there are many situations where the period is a nuisance - amongst them: the go for a sauna, swimming, sunbathing or a naturist holiday. At that time some women even refrain from the intercourse. Maybe just because of the blood in bed after the sexual act, that is really frustrating. Exactly that trouble can find an end right now.
The Original Soft-Tampons had been developed particularly for an hygienic intercourse during the menstruation. They do not only guarantee a pleasant sexual act during the period, they are especially suitable for the active and sportive women - if not even obligatory."
This will surprise no one.
You are a Clueless Idiot. Not only do you not know
you're an idiot, you don't know much of
anything. Your celebrity icon is Alicia
Silverstone.
What Kind Of Idiot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Finally! That zodiac thing!
This is a meme for which there didn't seem to be a link. I'd be reading some journals and someone would post one of these with no link and say they got it from other people, and the other people didn't have a link for it either... Finally, one journal has posted it, and it is here.
"Jennifer is deeply sensual. Her senses of touch, smell and sight are highly refined. And as for her taste? It's impeccable. Jennifer is extremely discriminating - when she sees the best, she won't ever settle for anything less. She would rather 'go without' than go for a poor substitute." (Uh, not necessarily... when one does not have much money, one HAS to settle sometimes) "But then that's Jennifer all over. It really isn't fair to call her 'stubborn as a mule.' Mules are adaptable, easy going creatures who are always eager to please - or at least, they are by comparison to Jennifer." (Gee, thanks. Guess I"m a raging bitch 24-7) "Unfortunately, for a person with such expensive preferences Jennifer is not a millionaire ...or at least, not yet. You never know, it may just happen because Jennifers' relationship with money is very interesting. She treats it with a curious mixture of disdain and respect. She never lets it stand in her way, yet she will go out of her way to get it when she needs to." (Okay, that's not bad.) "Jennifer is a smart cookie and a shrewd operator. It is not though, merely in the field of finance that Jennifer displays intuitive wisdom.
Jennifer has an affinity with nature. She can make almost any plant flower and bear fruit." (Nope. I'm amazed any plants survive in my presence at this point.) "This is just as well because Jennifer has a hearty appetite. She likes her food as indeed she likes all her creature comforts. Fond though she is of all the above - and of all life's little luxuries - there is one more source of endless fascination that Jennifer cannot resist. Jennifer doesn't so much have a hearty appetite for sensual pleasure as a ravenous hunger for it! Which is funny really because you wouldn't necessarily think it to look at her. Jennifer likes to play it cool. Jennifer likes to pretend that nothing bothers her, fazes her or excites her. Like all Taureans though, Jennifer is a powerhouse of passion, as those who are lucky enough to know her - or to love her - will breathlessly testify." (Okay, true enough there.)
Bon appetit!
One MILLION copies! Time for some shoe-eatin!
My results
My results:
1. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (82%)
2. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (78%)
3. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (74%)
4. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (70%)
5. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (68%)
6. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (68%)
7. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (66%)
8. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (65%)
9. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (57%)
10. Bush, George W. - US President (12%)
Not a surprise there at the end, eh?
From Justin to Kelly
146 Reasons to Hate It. Good lord, this sounds bad. Not that I expected that or anything :P
Would you like some Internet with that?
You can now get wireless net access at certain McDonald's in the Bay Area. For $4.95 for two hours. Honestly, I've never wanted to spend two hours in a McDonald's, but whatever. Starbucks will be next, right?
This is scary.
Obese people are eating their way to fat enough so they can get gastric bypass surgery.
Our puritan country is getting a little less puritan
America now likes its porn stars.
July 08, 2003
Stef knows why all the celebrities are dying.
"My theory is that Bob Hope is some kind of life-force vampire and is determined to make it to 150."
Frankly, I'd rather have the rest of the dead celebs back if this is the case- well, he sure does manage to beat the death pool every year, so you gotta wonder... :P I don't know why someone who has never remotely struck me as funny has had such a legendary career. He seems like a nice person, mind you, but I don't know why he is such a big shot.
I have to comment.
1. Did anyone NOT know this by now?
2. I love hypocrisy.
3. Why would you want the entire world to know that you've only slept with one person and who it is?
A Slight Small Pimp
I passed on the Silence musical link on to another board, and I just wanna quote ScottG: "Oh. My. Fucking. God. Fullmoon, that's one of the funniest things I've heard in a really really long time. Thankyou thankyou thankyou."
If I can spread the insanity to the rest of the world, then I'm happy ;)
The laptop is our king
More people are buying laptops than desktops these days. Including yours truly :) My fellow poster is setting the one I just got up while I'm at work. Really, when I managed to snag one off of Dell's refurbished section for the cost of a new desktop, wouldn't you? I can't wait to actually write (and even blog) from the road.
Oh man, this is funny.
Al is not thrilled to be stuck decorating the company bulletin board like a third grade teacher. She has ideas for it though...
"Al: Well, I was thinking...July is, among other things, National Baked Beans Month, and...
At this point, all pretense of compassion was abandoned by the MOC.
MOC: (banging on the table) National BAKED BEANS MONTH! HAAAAAA! (wiping his eyes and mumbling something about "PC Load Letter") I can see it now -- "Baked Beans: Are They Good for The Company?"
Al: Oh, just never mind.
MOC: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Now, what else were you going to say?
Al: (sigh) Just that it's also National Hitchhiking Month.
MOC: Warning people about the dangers of hitchhiking? Hmm, that's sort of 70s, but still a good public service.
Al: No, National Hitchhiking Month apparently promotes the activity of hitchhiking.
MOC: (quietly) Well, hitchhikers do eat a lot of baked beans... I'm beginning to understand your overall scheme. What I love is that you know they have no expectation of you doing anything other than sticking an American Flag up on that board along with a list of July office birthdays, and yet you're giving them this.
Al: They deserve it."
MOC: Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.
Hey, extra tips...
Elvis not allowed to drive cab any more, but no rules about the cape...
Apparently...
elephants should wear condoms. Since when did anyone make condoms for ELEPHANTS?!
So, why are soap operas
obsessed with the incest? Flowers in the Attic fixation?
Angel casting spoiler.
They're casting someone to work at W&H, to be a "love interest." I'm hoping it's for Wesley and not any of the other guys- Gunn's got Gwen and/or Fred or something, Angel SHOULD NOT BE DATING, AHEM, Connor's hopefully gone, who knows with Spike, and Lorne...that would be just wrong. Wesley could use a good one.
"Not a replacement for Charisma," my ass, though.
I don't know how I got this.
I am a sniper/professional killer.
Which cat that thinks it's human are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Check the "see all possible results" link after you're done, the pictures are HYSTERICAL. Or just check this thread.
Can't argue with...
this: "I find it disgusting that we still aren’t allowed same sex marriages, yet we can auction off lifetime – or, you know, a month or so – commitments to strangers on TV for cash prizes. Good game, people. Way to make a mockery of the very same arguments you’re using to deny gays and lesbians the right to marriage. I’m totally sure this is exactly what your god had in mind when he declared marriage as a sacred thing, no sodomites allowed."
Funny, but also scary
"After the third day, eat nothing but plants. Carnations are particularly tasty. Don’t eat anything that originated from an animal.
By the fourth day, you can eat all the celery and carrot sticks you like, along with cucumber, tomatoes, green pepper, lettuce and white vinegar. The more shriveled up and tasteless, the better. Leave them out all night before you eat them. Avoid fruit and vitamin supplements, they will just make you hungry.
Eat the fake, plastic groceries from your child’s supermarket set. These have no calories and give you a nice, full feeling.
Write down everything you eat and drink and create short story plots."
You have to see this to believe it
The Orgasmic Washing Machine. Load 'er up (fast speed, hot water, and mobile seems to get the best results) and take 'er away! (Note: if you're at work, don't turn the sound on.) But why the "mobile," you ask? For no discernable reason, the OWM is an ad for...a mobile phone. I guess they think that the first thing a girl would do after getting an orgasm from her washing machine would be to call all her friends to discuss it?
If this is the kind of thing you like to waste your money on...
How to improve at playing carnival games. Still a bitch to win, mind you, but at least now you know what's making it so difficult.
July 07, 2003
Not-so-very-delayed cartoonage
"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"
Delayed cartoonage
From last week, but I slacked.
"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"
For those of you who got sick of reading due to dull textbooks.
"As you draft sample chapters, you'll face every textbook writer's dilemma -- do I write for students or for the professors who order the copies? Students want simplified, clear, and entertaining texts; to reach an average student, your style must compete with the local newspaper, Saturday Night Live, and Puff Daddy. Professors want intellectual complexity and vocabulary that announces, "This is college, ladies and gentlemen." They want you to sound like The New York Review of Books, PBS, and Joan Didion. From my observation, most textbook writers figure out which group butters their royalty checks. I, however, took the path less traveled and wrote directly for students. Sure, some reviewers sniffed, "Maybe it's OK at a community college, but we would never use it here" -- meaning at a place of higher education. I gathered my integrity about me like sagging underwear and pressed on. Today it gratifies me when students say my book talks to them and they really like that it's not too heavy to carry. Rule #2: Write for both students and professors, to spread the alienation around.
The copy editor also polices political correctness, checking that you used roughly the same number of hypothetical men and women in examples to prevent stereotyping. That means that women should not be nurses, cooks, secretaries, or sex objects. It means men must be."
Ah, hypocritical musicians.
Cher embarks on indefinite farewell tour. "It is presumed, however, that her future will involve some combination of acting and plastic surgery."
The next Austin Powers is so far named
Live and Let Pussy Die? Gah. They couldn't come up with anything better than that? Seriously?
Do you really need to spoil your dog this much?
Designer doggie water. "The bottled water comes in Puddle Water, Hose Water, Gutter Water and Toilet Water -- that's doggie talk for liver, lamb, beef and chicken flavor."
I don't know where he got the idea that liver tastes like puddles, lambs taste like hose, etc., but this is too damn strange.
Too bad there's no pics.
One-legged kid takes up tap dancing and wins an award for it.
Man dumps girlfriend for other flame...
then takes her back when she wins the lottery. Hi, skeezebucket! Meanwhile, our new moneyed girl's previous boyfriend is kicking himself for dumping her two months ago.
Man, this poor girl is just gonna be a walking example of Why Winning The Lottery Can Suck, isn't she? And she's 16! Yikes!
Tom Delay: one naive man.
Yeah, right. "It never ceases to amaze me that people are so cynical they want to tie money to issues, money to bills, money to amendments."
The congressman's remark either betrays the height of cynicism or reveals a pathological failure to comprehend what's going on. Given DeLay's history of wily maneuver and relentless, sometimes secretive fund-raising, the odds favor the former."
Here's your sign!
The dude who got fired for putting Caddyshack into an article is shocked about it. Why?! Hello, didn't you hear about all that plagiarism/NYT crap just a few months ago? Since when did throwing in an interview with a movie character become journalism? Has the dude been smoking the grass?
"I feel cheated, man."
"I joined the military to see the world and get job training...but really, man, butler training?"
Now you know why he keeps on the pants.
Girl gets Hulk doll with 2-inch penis. Considering the doll is 12 inches, well... that's one big stuffed dong.
My fellow poster would like to let you know that his penis is 1/6 of his total height and if the doll were a six foot man, he'd have a foot-long in those pants. Yay math?!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Silence of the Lambs, The Musical. This has freaked. me. out. Especially all the Buffalo Bill and the cunt song.
Naturally, I just e-mailed Pamie.
Buffy finale info
All kinds of background info on "Chosen."
Firefly! Woo! Transcript!
Firefly script for "The Message." A depressing episode.
Why do things like...
this exist? How does one write in Corey, exactly?
So much for the happiest place on earth.
Death at Disneyland. Like Kristin, I can't help but laugh either.
"For example: dying on The People Mover? Not the most dignified death to be found. Until it was removed a few years ago for being old and boring, the People Mover was one of the slowest damn rides in the park! How could you be killed while riding the freaking People Mover!? It's like saying your uncle drowned while riding "It's A Small World". Insulin shock I might believe, but drowning is right out! Nonetheless there have been not one but two separate deaths on the People Mover, one in 1967 and another in 1980. Both times the "victim" (and I use the term loosely) had completely disregarded the safety spiel, crawled out of his People Mover vehicle and was wandering around on the track - until he was crushed by an oncoming car. Crushed by an oncoming People Mover, my friends. A horrific way to die, certainly, but also very funny. Think about it - death by People Mover. The People Mover of Doom! Ride the Perilous People Mover at your own risk!"
Even worse is the suicide via Disneyland. Yes, really.
"Even with continuous safety warnings, some people are determined to die at Disneyland. Several years ago, after a fight with his girlfriend, a kid tried to fling himself out of a Skyway tram (also known as "the buckets") but was restrained by his buddies. Instead of exiting the ride and bringing the boy to a clinic of some kind to work through his desire to catapult himself out of an overhead transportation system and plunge to his death, his friends took him on the Matterhorn. Predictably, halfway through the ride the boy stood straight up and bashed into the mountain. If you've ever been on the Matterhorn, you're probably cringing right now and thinking, "Man - that's gotta hurt!" And you're right. He died 4 days later.
Now it's sad that this boy was so distraught about his girlfriend that he wished to die, but his way out of emotional pain seems pretty rash. All the suicide prevention warning-sign pamphlets will tell you that if a suicidal person has a method, it's a serious situation. So this kid's upset and he can't take anymore and he decides that if he fights just one more time with Debbie the only way out of his torture is to end it all. But how? He has no rope to hang himself, can't stand the sight of blood so wrist-slitting is out, and his parents don't own a gun. But wait! He's going to Disneyland the next day and there are a million ways to die at the happiest place on earth.
His method... is Disneyland, people. If someone I knew seemed suicidal and I asked if they had a method and they said, "Yes. Disneyland" I just wouldn't be able to take them seriously. Cliffs, car exhaust, drowning, sure, but not the House of Mouse. The tragedy of the story isn't so much that this kid committed suicide at Disneyland but that someone may have been able to help him but was laughing too hard at his proposed method to intervene."
Interesting networking idea
The Global Network of Dreams. This site lets you find works of literature, music, and movies that are similar to the ones you like already.
An expression for every situation?
"You were like a FATHER to me during adolescence, and even though we've grown apart in my later 43 years, I still think of you whenever I see a guy who looks kind of like you, so HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!"
"That time you loaned me money right before you went back to prison is never forgotten. Thank you for being you, Dad."
"I know being a stepfather is really hard, but since you get to fuck my mom whenever you want, maybe you could back off a little and quit trying to be my DAD. Happy Father's Day!"
"Dear Wife of Father, I know I can't actually have contact with my father since he married you, but please tell him that my sisters and brothers and I all miss him this Father's Day. Please. p.s. Your new boobs look really classy."
Huh.
I never quite thought of AA in this way before.
"Kirkpatrick also says AA's First Step, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol," sends a destructive message to many women who turn to alcohol to overcome a sense of powerlessness. She also argues that the Fourth Step of taking a "fearless and moral inventory" compounds, for many women, the shame of the disease.
Tracey Deschaine, a nurse anesthetist who has worked in recovery centers, agrees. "Women have known all along they're powerless, that's part of the reason they fall victim to drugs or alcohol. They need to be told they have power inside them to get well," she says. "And in the Fourth Step," she continues, "you have to go out and emotionally flog yourself. Nobody has to tell women to flog themselves. They do it all the ti