Well, things are rather sucky in Sweet Disorder land. I'm about out of webspace with all my posting-whoreness. Adding to the fun, I needed to buy a laptop this month and don't exactly have the fundage to upgrade immediately right now.
I am in discussions to uh, come up with something to do to alleviate the problem that doesn't involve spending more money, but so far it's looking like it's going to be a royal fucking pain to work on for awhile. In the meantime, I don't dare go around adding 20 links a day the way I usually do, you know?
So anyway, I've got this here beta test blog, and I am supposed to be testing it, right? (Plus, right now it's all free.) Go check that for new links for awhile until I let you know otherwise, okay?
Please! Because I'm too dumb to figure out what to buy when someone tells me to look for something.
the booklog, if you're really bored. Quite a lot, actually.
bored teenagers created those crop circles.
Budget crisis closes down rest stops. Ergh.
It may not look like it, but I actually do do work around here. Anyway, while working on something, I stumbled across performance evaluations for Thomas Watson and Friar John, University-style. Very amusing.
Crop circles show up in a farmer's field, pretty soon everyone else shows up to party. The tone of this article amuses me.
"A handful of "crop circles" appeared one night last week and by Thursday, hundreds of the curious had descended on farmer Larry Balestra's 80-acre wheat field.
They stood holding clumps of dirt while friends took their pictures in the center of the odd geometric shapes, convinced they were the work of visitors from another planet.
Others walked away with stalks of wheat as a souvenir, convinced that the matted-down grain stalks were the work of, um, the work of who knows what.
College student Paul Bearden, who was videotaping the scene Thursday, said he didn't want to sound like a kook, but two months ago he saw some mysterious sights in the sky.
Balestra's daughter had designed and displayed near the cash registers whimsical T-shirts featuring vegetables with Martian antennas and the words "Larry's Produce. Crop Circles 2003."
This farmer assumes that someone mowed some crop circles into his field. His neighbors, naturally (aHEM), claim they didn't see anyone near the field. I suppose the grass just flattened itself for kicks.
Budget? On time? Bwahahahah!!!
bloomed early, but has yet to go to full stinky potential at time of writing. And of course, it now has a website.
Because I think this thing is so freaky, you should hear more about it! Do you ever wonder why nature would come up with a plant that takes years to come to fruition, blooms for like a day, stinks like hell, then does nothing for some more years? What is the point of that?
I am, however, amused at this: "Other recent flowerings of Amorphophallus plants have been "Tiffy" at California State University, Fullerton; "Mr. Stinky" at the Fairchild Tropical Garden in Coral Gables, Fla.; and an unnamed plant in Bonn, Germany." Mr. Stinky, now that's perfect. Why on earth did they name this one "Ted?"
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day, which would explain why these articles have gotten shorter and shorter as this series has gone on. And now I'm done. Enjoy!)
Student wonders why Freedom classes taught in French by Krysten Kellum
For eight weeks, Davis College Republicans member Daniel Humphreys was enrolled in Freedom 104: Translation with the hope of sharing his patriotic fervor with fellow classmates.
"When I found out that there was going to be a department devoted solely to the study of what makes our country great, both at home and in our pursuits abroad- freedom- I registered right away," Humphreys said on Thursday outside of his adviser's office as he filled out a late drop petition.
Humphreys' confusion stems from the administration's March decision to change the name of the French department to the Freedom department in light of the European power's opposition to war in Iraq. While the name has been changed, the content of what has been taught has not.
"I don't care what they change the department's name to, as long as my students are ready to learn the French language," said Argile Miller, professor of the translation class.
This came as a great surprise to Humphreys, who attended every class in anticipation of a fragment of freedom-inspiring wisdom- or at least a single phrase in English.
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day. Enjoy!)
News in Brief
Guy at party admires Ansel Adams poster
A $15 Ansel adams poster caught the attention of UC Davis sophomore Joe Kurran at his friend's apartment party Saturday night.
"I've never seen [Yosemite National Park's] Lake Tenaya in such majestic lighting," said Kurran, who had recently performed a 21-second kegstand. "It really puts your life at ease."
Kurran later urinated on himself before passing out on his friend's tarp.
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day. Enjoy!)
'U-Lock' punishes bike thieves by Patrick Bocash
By day, Brett Haydn is a typical UC Davis student....Once the sun goes down, however, Haydn becomes the "U-Lock," a vigilante crusader dedicated to the fight against bicycle theft.
"Someone has to do it," said Haydn in a midnight interview. "I can't sit by while hundreds of people get their bikes swiped every year. Students depend on their bikes, so they depend on the U-Lock."
The U-Lock takes a special pride in his work, relying on his 4.2/40 speed and a blistering array of wrestling maneuvers to deter potential thieves..."There's nothing I like better than dropping the pain on these fools," the U-Lock said. "Once you get one of those guys in your sights, the adrenaline just stops pumping, and when that happens, buy some Tylenol stock, baby, because the U-Lock's gonna bring the hurt."
The U-Lock has made a name for himself throughout the community. What began as a rumor at the UCD Medical Center of a "masked wave of agony" has now become something of a local hero, thanks to a publicity campaign by the UCD Police Department.
"The guy really wasn't getting enough credit," said UCDPD Chief Calvin Handy. "So we recommended that he do his thing during the daytime, just a few times, so that people would see they've got a friend."
"I'm glad Handy suggested it," the U-Lock said. "Ever since I laid that guy out in the Silo bike circle at lunchtime, these scum have been thinking twice about coming on campus."
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day. Enjoy!)
Fee hike concerns alleviated by MTV bounce house by Oyang Teng
Jessica Robles holds down two part-time jobs while taking on a full course load as a junior community development major at UC Davis, a routine that leaves her exhausted and stressed out at the end of each day. She said that with student-approved fee increases and ever rising state-mandated hikes- imposed as a result of California's dismal economy- she worried that her paychecks would no longer stretch far enough to cover the costs of tuition, textbooks, rent and car payments.
But those fears were washed away Tuesday with the arrival of a giant inflatable bounce house on the Quad, brought to campus by MTV as part of a lunchtime promotion.
"I may have to work more hours, take fewer classes, borrow more money, and eat nothing but macaroni and cheese next year, but at least I can still have fun," Robles said as she tussled with friend Tanya Nelson in the oversized red and orange rubber structure. "Wheee!"
The gaudy display on the east Quad also included prize booths, a Velcro wall, a mud-wrestling pit, a wet T-shirt contest and a DJ giving a free concert onstage. Dozens of students- drawn inexorably by the bright colors and pulsating synthesized beats blasting across the lawn- cast off worries of violence in the Middle East, rising threats of terror at home, worldwide anger over the war in Iraq, the lack of jobs caused by a rapidly spiraling economy, the imminent cutback in services at school and massive fee increases to enjoy the MTV-sponsored festivities.
...
Mud-splattered medieval studies lecturer Kevin Roddy said that MTV's arrival on campus came at a critical time for the student body.
"People were really starting to wake up and realize that something has to be done about all the madness and injustice going on around us," Roddy said as he poured a pitcher of ice-cold water over first-year student Halle Swanson. "[MTV] came just in time. I remember the days when students would come to school worried about 'developing their minds' and 'contributing to society.' Thank God that's behind us."
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day. Enjoy!)
Mrak Hires Former Iraqi Information Minister by Ihsan Amanatullah
During the build-up of tensions between UC Davis and the city, former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad Saeed al-Sahaf was hired as the campus public relations officer for UCD.
"We're extremely happy to have Mohammed as our new public relations officer," said Chancellor Larry Vanderhoef.
However, al-Sahaf got off to a rocky start on the job.
"I have not been hired!" al-Sahaf said. "I have never been hired! Don't believe anything you hear, for you have been fed lies by the insane little dwarf Vanderhoef and his international gang of bastards."
The chancellor then leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Uh, Mohammed, you have been hired."
Al-Sahaf quickly sat up and his voice struck a serious, more professional tone.
"The real truth is that I have been hired," he said. "Do not believe anything else you hear, for they are all lies, spread by the wild donkeys at the New York Tymes."
...
"There is no student fee increase," he said. "It is a lie. It is a Hollywood movie. You do not believe it."
When told by Tymes reporters that fees for undergraduates would increase by about $1,200, al-Sahaf said, "I regret to inform you that you have made an error, which is understandable considering the infinite stupidity of your organization. Student fees have actually been lowered by negative $795. Please take note of this, so you will not spread more lies."
During a recent lecturer's strike, al-Sahaf was similarly unforthcoming. When photos of lecturers blockading Mrak Hall were made public, al-Sahaf denied that they were photos of the chancellor's headquarters.
"What you are looking at is a cleverly constructed miniature," al-Sahaf said. "There are no lecturers there. They are nowhere. They are on the moon."
...
Al-Sahaf's biggest test came when the Social Sciences and Humanities Building was overrun and destroyed by City of Davis forces during the initial strikes.
"I now inform you that you are too far from reality. The building has not collasped. It has merely been realigned with regards to the ground to allow for easier access. Everything is okay."
(Note: Every year, I love it when the school comes out with their annual spoof edition. Every year, the spoof articles are NOT put on the school webpage. This year, I've decided to share some of it with you by typing them up in abbreviated form myself. I left out some bits so as to not give myself carpal tunnel in one day. Enjoy!)
(This one, incidentally, features a big front page picture of the Executive Vice Chancellor on her Segway in combat gear with "ROTC cadets and their fake guns", and a picture of the mayor saying "Biocontainment, my butt. That there's an anthrax factory." There's also a diagram of how the attack went. "Two vehicles dissolved when they unexpectedly hit a medium-sized puddle, but the occupants escaped safely. City special ops units equipped with Super Soaker 3000 rifles were instructed not to fire unless ammunition would rain down on organic materials.")
City Pre-Emptively Attacks University by Santani Teng
In what military historians are already calling "the most environmentally friendly invasion in history," the electric whirr of invading e-vehicles and creak of home-built bicycles echoed throughout the UC Davis campus Wednesday morning in the opening hours of war between the university and the city of Davis.
Steering solicitiously around trees, flowers in bloom and grassy areas, hundreds of Davisites flooded through the Memorial Union on foot or operating all manner of non-fossil-fuel-powered vehicles. They drove steadily toward administration offices in Mrak Hall, where university administrators were suspected to be in hiding.
In an address to the city on Davis Community Television last night, Davis Mayor Susie Boyd called the attack a "necessary and just" action to eliminate weapons of mass destruction on campus."
...
"Our fair city has, for years, been an official nuclear-free zone. But the regime continues to operate a nuclear weapons lab in Livermore. It has one of those cyclotrons in a lab somewhere- that's gotta be dangerous. And its stockpile of radioactive beagles has never been opened to international inspectors."
"Now," continued the mayor, "we face an even greater threat. The tyrannical dictator at the head of this regime is seeking to build biological weapons as well. A so-called biocontainment 'research facility' on campus is an obvious ploy to weaponize the world's deadliest diseases just a stone's throw from our own borders. We cannot let this happen."
...
Early accounts from the battlefield suggested smooth progress with virtually no resistance from the university, as those students not in class busied themselves with studying or sunning themselves on the Quad. A brief setback occurred when a cloud obscured the sun, temporarily immobilizing a platoon of solar-powered scooters.
....
Heightened concerns have also led to a tightening of internal security measures, as residents expressed fears of unruly student behavior in response to the attacks. Acting on tips, police sweeping neighborhoods found large concentrations of students actually living within city borders.
This article about how UCD students put their soap-opera drunken exploits on Xanga sites amuses me. Man, I wish they'd put some links so I could read this stuff, because I'd love to read the site of the "Two Geniuses of UCD" (I couldn't find it) who "started their Xanga site as a joke, intending to show how ridiculous people with online journals were. Instead, they too became addicted to expressing their outrageous opinions and overgrown egos online — the very same behavior they had wanted to bash." Heh. And you gotta love lines like "Ricardo, a junior biological sciences major who ironically keeps a Xanga for everyone on the Internet to read but didn’t want his identity to be revealed."
Though apparently the author isn't too clear on "blogging" versus "online journals." Then again, who is these days? *sigh* I seem to be one of the few who goes it old skool on that :P
It's kinda like that plant in the Dennis the Menace movie, only worse. "It's really going to be amazing," said Ernesto Sandoval, curator of the UC Davis Botanical Conservatory and guardian of the unusual specimen. "We've been waiting a long time to see and smell this. I just want to hug the thing."
Once the petal opens, a fetid odor meant to attract pollinating insects such as dung beetles will last as many as 10 hours.
"The corpse flower has a mind of its own; it doesn't care how many people are waiting breathlessly to see and smell it, " Huntington spokeswoman Lisa Blackburn said. "But if you're lucky, you will experience a smell like something that died in a Dumpster on a hot day." If you're lucky. Mmm, yummy.
"California history was made in Davis tonight, but there wasn't a single reporter there to cover the story. Actually, I guess the history was made a week or so ago, and it was only made official tonight. But I was there.
At 6:30 p.m. tonight, in City Council chambers, my friends Ellen and Shelly were presented with Resolution 03-58, making Davis the first city in the state of California to officially support ending marriage law discrimation for same gender couples."
So, the paper clip dude made a long enough chain for the record, but ran into a snag afterwards. Bummer.
yes, the phenomenal number of posts is what happens when I'm not on the Internet very much for three days. Holy cow.
Would you want this to be right next to you?
It's not that I disagree with the idea of having a West Coast center. It's not that I disagree with the university getting to be in charge of it. What I do disagree with, however, is it being so nicely and conveniently located on campus. I was hoping that they could say, move it somewhere else that's a LOT more deserted and not nicely nearby a town of 50,000 people. Hell, they've got plenty of sites located elsewhere, why not do that? If it just wasn't in town, I'd be perfectly fine and dandy with them having it.
But noooooo. "In a letter dated May 6 and signed by National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Chief of Grants Management Branch Mary Kirker, the NIH shot down any alternative sites, saying changes in location made after a proposal has been submitted “may, at the very least, be problematic and that actually may be unacceptable.”
“The site of the construction is an integral component of this application,” the letter states. “A change in site would most likely be a significant change and require a new application and new peer review.”
Site changes are allowed by the NIH only “in very limited situations,” such as relocation to across the street from the original locality, or even to another spot on the same campus." Grrrrrrr.
You know, no matter how much they "educate the public," no matter how many "slick mailers" they send to everyone's home (I don't seem to recall getting one, actually, unless my roommate already chucked it with the junk mail) telling us that it's sooo safe so that we'll change our minds, no matter how many officials tell me that they'd locate the biolab next to a hospital filled with newborn babies, including their own... I'm sorry, but "education" is not going to make me feel all safe and comfy about having this thing in my town. ("Educating myself" on something usually only tends to wig me out about a thousand times more in practice anyway.) And this is not a town of stupid people. We know how to read. Lots of us know science and shit.
Why are they never going to be able to reassure me that it's perfectly safe? Because of the "oops" factor. There's no way they can guarantee to me that somebody won't screw up somewhere. This is involving the goverment. And the consequences of a screwup in this situation- Level 4, folks- are just too dire. I'm in the line of fire should a diseased monkey get loose (or whatever). I work around here. I don't live that far off either. And you know, I really don't want to die from some horrible disease that makes me bleed from all orifices before I go in complete agony because of "oops." This is a small town, and it's pretty much built around the university, so hell, we could all end up dying of God-knows-what. Can you blame anyone who doesn't think it's a great idea to have next door?
He wants to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for making the longest chain of paper clips in 24 hours. Though I must admit that I'm a little worried that he hasn't practiced for longer than 36 minutes straight at a time...Good luck, dude.
One of the aforementioned flying car joints is located here.
How to Make A Golem From The Comfort of Home. Heh, I'd forgotten about this one. (The author is another design chick that I know.)
Okay, not here, but our meme propagates on.
Literally, here. The choice of location amuses me no end.
At the bottom of this page, you will find a letter writing to protest the number of male columnists who, well... This just amuses me.
(Somewhere, you know various people are thinking, "Yeah, that explains a lot about her...)
Other events today. Other birthday folks. (Kelly Clarkson? There's a new addition.)
"IF APRIL 24TH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ... there is a touch of mystery around you. When you want to be, you are glamorous and sexy. Others look to you for leadership. This year promises favorable long-term adjustments. Change of residence or acquisition of property likely. You want to be in charge, but you may be unheard. Feelings of love and enjoyment predominate. June, July will see responsibilities toward close relatives. Socially you're in demand."
"What to expect during the next 12 months: Memories and old feelings are very powerful. Your focus on the past can be either a tremendous distraction or a great source of inspiration. It is important to stay focused on what you believe in the most. You have a wonderfully artistic and creative sensibility. This year you will be able to translate this into practical terms. August 27, 2003 and December 26, 2003 are lucky days. The best days for romance are May 20, 2003 and November 30, 2003 to December 1, 2003. February 10-11, 2003 is a high-energy time. Be cautious. There is a risk of overindulgence."
Did one of these and got this: "A fortunate change of circumstances occurs in your work and career! You may receive a promotion, a job offer, a large contract, or salary increase. In one way or other, you step out of a situation that had become limiting and restrictive." (Since promotion, large contract, and salary increase are strictly ruled out here now, this makes me bloody nervous...) "Don't wait for everything to fall in your lap. This is a good time to investigate new avenues for growth in career, to interview for a new job, and explore alternative solutions to finding fulfilling and satisfying employment. You may be surprised to hit upon something that is very good." (Eep.)
"This is a time when it is difficult to stay within a budget or on a diet, as your tendency is to splurge on beautiful things and to enjoy yourself as much as possible. You want comfort and ease, and have luxurious tastes. Quality is especially important to you right now. Also, you want to share whatever good fortune you have. You need company and happy fellowship. It's a good time for a party, as long as you don't overdo it.
Confusion, inability to focus on mundane tasks, poor understanding or miscommunication between yourself and others, and the desire to evade real responsibilities and challenges are negative potentials for you now. You are more sensitive, impressionable, dreamy, or idealistic at this time also." (Kinda obvious today, given what I'm doing during lunch...)
"A significant personal encounter or confrontation occurs today. You cannot, and probably will not want to, be alone now. This is a time to reach out to people and to get others' input or counsel. Listen to your mate or a friend who can enlighten you at this time. Also, consulting a professional for health, business, or personal reasons will be very constructive and fruitful now.
You're more moody, oversensitive, or touchy than usual, and your irritablity is apt to provoke discord in your immediate environment. Relations with parents, children, or other close associates are tense.
The forces of war and peace oppose one another in you. Whether to compromise and cooperate or stand up for you yourself is a basic question now. Ideally, you learn how to disagree in a pleasant manner which eliminates disputes.
This is a time when the big questions of life occupy your attention and you may be drawn to study philosophy, religion, metaphysics, or other areas which open up new worlds to you. Mind-expanding studies or travel are likely, and foreign cultures have a strong appeal to you now. A pilgrimage or journey may be on the agenda.
Greater responsibility and concern over business affairs, joint finances, and anything you own in common with another, are on the agenda. You may feel burdened by the commitments for support which you have pledged, or suddenly find a source of income that you relied upon is no longer available to you. This is definitely not a good time to initiate business ventures or go into debt.
At this time, you communicate more directly and forcefully, and you are prone to be rather abrasive. Impatient with others' ambiguity, vagueness, or noncommital stance, you may provoke arguments in an effort to get a clear answer or decision from someone. It is better to "attack" some intellectual problem or task, rather than your neighbors and friends.
You are feeling inspired creatively and romantically and you express your loving feelings quite openly now. Creative self-expression of any kind is favored at this time. You will also thoroughly enjoy artistic, musical, or cultural events and activities, especially in the company of a loved one.
Your desire for comfort, security, and privacy is stronger now, and spending some quality time with your family or by yourself at home is satisfying. This is a time for going within to replenish yourself in order to meet the challenges and stresses of your usual activities. Domestic or family matters are emphasized.
Partnerships, marriage, and your close, one-to-one relationships engage much of your attention now and you are called upon to cooperate and perhaps to relinquish some of your own personal interests for the sake of harmony and mutual benefit. The emphasis is on "we" rather than "me". You will not wish to go it alone, and will seek the companionship and counsel of others.
If you are having difficulties in some area of your life, now is the time to seek the advice of a counselor or consultant, someone with an objective point of view. "
Another one: "Uranus aspecting the Sun suggests that the individual desires to make changes, possibly in rapid succession. Generally, any solar return year that has a major Uranus-Sun aspect also has a corresponding significant life change or development such as a pregnancy or birth, career or job transfer, relocation, illness, etc. Changes tend to be more disruptive and less controllable when they involve a conjunction, square or opposition aspect, but all aspects can ultimately indicate beneficial changes. Issues involving boredom versus originality, or creativity and freedom versus restriction, are common.
Although Jupiter transits a new sign every year, Sun-Jupiter aspects do not occur in every solar return chart. The major task associated with Sun-Jupiter aspects is expansion of the personality into new areas of expertise. Hopefully, this expansion will be consistent with the individual's philosophical beliefs and spiritual goals. Jupiter's sign may be significant in some way, though usually it is the house placement that is important. For example, Jupiter in Capricorn can suggest a preoccupation with materialism. If Jupiter is also in the 4th house of the solar return chart, the individual may be looking to buy a bigger house in a more prestigious neighborhood. The main danger associated with this planet is a tendency toward excessive behavior and a refusal to curb personal needs and desires in consideration of others. Beneficial opportunities are associated with Jupiter; however, there is no guarantee of a positive return. You can augment the possibilities through enthusiasm."
Because I'm thinking that starting one of these would be a damn cool idea....
Yeah, it's my *bleeping* birthday today. So what the hell, I'll actually do a non-linked post.
So far I'm starting to worry. Last night while I was out doing pre-birthday dinner and Chuck E. Cheese with my roommate, I lost the stylus to my new Palm. (When I'm going to find time to haul ass across town to look for a new one, I don't know.) Then I ended up coughing till I threw up at around 1 a.m. and that kinda ruined sleeping. This morning, it's raining and I realized that I left my umbrella in my roommate's car...and she works nights and needs the sleep.
Is this an omen?